My new blogging website

I have a hidden underground blogging website. It is too intense and honest so not everyone can know about it.

Other than that I should probably keep on posting here. Actually I think I'm going to stop for a while and just post on the raw and honest blog. Sorry to disappoint my fans.

Friends with girls

As a male species I think about being friends with girls. I know two things about it.

1. It can't happen.
2. Look back at rule number one.

Why can't you be friends with girls. You can't be friends with girls unless you are gay. Unless you have no penis. Unless you are a homo. It is that simple.

When I am with a girl I just think about caressing their super soft skin. Smelling their hair or natural flowery body odor. Make sweet whoopie pies with her with Xtra cream. Is that so much to ask for?

I don't really like being friends with girls. I just like to stare at them. To admire them in all their sexiness. I don't really want to hear about how her day was or what book she read. These things bore me. I just want to see her naked and I want her to take a ride with daddy.

Things that a girl can do that is super hot. Make me a sandwich. Make me something to eat. Get down on it. Work out and get her fitness on and get super sexy.

The point of the post... I'm just not that interested in being friends with a girl. It's just not for me.

an interesting turn of events... High Thinking

I am on this moral and financial journey and I think the next step in the evolution process is called "high" thinking. It is this thinking that everything is going to be alright and everything will work itself out.

I keep on thinking I am high as fuck or high as shit. You can be high all the time. Just living high. Living the high life. That's how I want to live out the rest of my days on this little slice I call life.

Things to do when high.

Spend time with friends
Make faces
Relax
Stare at the wall
Stretch and do yoga - a personal favorite

Favorite yoga pose while high
Superman flying pose

So to all just think high. Be high... all the time.

I've read somewhere that you have to think high to rise so think high and be high all the time.

be the BSD

BSD... what is it? what is BSD attitude. BSD is being the BIG SWINGING DICK. whenever you walk into a room you have to have BSD attitude. you gotta think I got the biggest dick in the room and i'm not afraid to smack you with it.

why walk around with an iddy biddy dick. that type of lifestyle is for the small minds of the world. if you are going to walk around you might as well be the BSD.

other things going on today.

completed day 9 today of my work out. thanks to richie rich, e diddy, the magic man, and others for the motivation to keep on going. i really wanted to be a big fucking pussy and quit today but i found a way to keep on going. my arms are so swalled right now. i'm going to get like my friends in college and not be able to wash my back cause i'm so big.

books i'm reading right now.
MBA in a box and
a foreign policy of freedom by ron paul

i'm trying to political and get more involved in the world. who wants to be mediocre. i want to be a bsd.

treat people like cows. i heard this on a zig zigler tape. it was pretty profound. cows give shitty milk when you treat them like shit. if a cow is sad the milk won't come out good. it might not even be usable. so if you treat the cow good then you get good milk. you get the maximum production from a cow and likewise with people. people will work for assholes but love working for people who treat them like cows.

i want that good milk. GOOD ASS TITTY MILK!

anyways... till next time. peace easy. work out. GET BIG!

worked out again

on day 8 of this work out session. have to get huge. the goal is 90 days of working out. 90 days to a life transformation.

muscles and money

i worked out again today.

got a call from e diddy today and we had a conversation about life. we concluded that the key to life is muscles and money.

why you need muscles. muscles make you feel strong. they make you feel good. they make you feel like you can beat the shit out of other people. muscles intimidate other people and make them think you are the boss. so get the muscles. ladies love muscles even if they say they don't. they are so full of shit. here is why the ladies love the muscles. ladies deep down inside have an instinct to be protected. they love security and if you have muscles you can beat the shit out of other people and provide them the security they are looking for. by having to raise children for 9 months and then raise the children women want to be in an environment of protection.

so why money? money is another form of security. they want the money cause it can buy them the good things in life and buy them protection. if a guy has lots of money he can buy you lots of security. so money and muscles gives you double protection. money and muscles give you DOUBLE SECURITY. that's why bitches love it. that's why bitches love money and muscles!!!

rules of life.

1. get muscles
2. get money
3. repeat and review items 1 and 2

YEA!!!

talking to fobs

so i saw this fob and i asked him how he was doing. he said "i'm doing bravo". WTF??? i'm doing bravo. that shit is so funny. i'm going to start saying that.

btw, this fob called quesadilla, que sa dilla. what a FOB!

common things i hate

when people say if you took all this paper or so and so item and put them next to each other it would go around x amount of times.

new line. if you took all the pages in the book and wiped your ass with it you could wipe your ass with it for 45 years!

things to do? read books. have fun. enjoy my life. smoke it up. eat well. family friends and working out.

running the show

another day of running outside. it was pretty good. i'm getting into shape and it is awesome. i am going to get so ripped and jacked. did about 30 minutes of yoga afterwards but then i quit. i really am a pussy sometimes.

creating the life you want to live.

poor mans porsche

so one of my friends got a porsche boxter. i told some other people and they laughed. they said that was a poor mans porsche. it got me thinking, is it shitty to drive a porsche because it isn't a 911?

i think that is complete bullshit. i mean a porsche is a porsche. i don't care if it is older or if it cost less than a caymen or a carrera. the main reason any guy would get a porsche is A) because he is going to use it as a tool to get pussy or B) he feels old and wants to feel young again. i respect a guy who just goes out there and buys a nice car and gets it while it is young. who wants to be that old ass faggot in a porsche trying to attract chicks. i just feel sorry for this guy. i love it when i see a young guy rolling around in a sports car. it tells chicks, i got a big dig and i'm not afraid to show you. so what if it might be for overcompensation. i still like it.

started listening to these self help tapes. i am a freaking self help junky. i can't get enough of this shit. i have been listening to tony robbins and brian tracy recently. this tape i have been listening to is called the science of self confidence. the first cd was all about goal setting so i am going to set some goals.

1. get laid off with an awesome sweet layoff package and start my own business which is starting a farm in my parents backyard.

2. make mad money growing vegtables and cross use the vegtables in a restaurant. start the movement of fresh local foods and farm restaurants where farms are co-oped with restaurants to bring customers the freshest foods that taste the best.

3. do some traveling. go to china. see the great wall and the imperial city. travel around china. go to guanzou, the replica watch capital of the world. start a replica watch business and make mad money selling replica watches to people in the us.

4. get seeds to specialized plants and grow special plants with the best quality flavor foods. get the seeds in montreal.

5. live a fabled life and have lots of friends. enjoy my life and work hard and play harder.

so also you have to set goals and priorities as to what is the most imporant things to your life.

1. my body. getting phsyically fit and getting in the best shape of my life. this is goal one. health is good too. eat well. get strong. eat healthy.
2. family. building strong relationships with my family. this is important and more important than my friends.
3. friends. build a strong network of friends. you can have all the money in the world but if you got no friends did you really live life? life fucking sucks if you got it all but your hommies got none. relationships and friends is where it is at.
4. money and work. why work for the man and kill yourself. fuck dat shit. fuck da man. that shit is not worth killing yourself for. do what you got to do but be focused when you are at your job. don't go in a fuck around. fuck around on your own time. the reason those guys pay you is to get the job done and do a great fucking job. really give my job 8 hours a day. give them good energy. give them great energy.

well that is what i on my mind. WORD! later son.

whats going on

things that i am doing in my life. i am working out. i have to work out every day cause the ladies love it. it is so hawt to get ripped and chiseled. chicks dig it.

i never understood why ladies dig a nice body. i get it now. if you got a nice body she feels safe around you because she thinks you can beat the shit out of other people. it makes her feel safe. it brings us back to the days when we were barbarians and hunters and chicks like the alpha males. they didn't like pussy males because those guys couldn't provide. and even if the pussy guys could provide the alpha males would beat the shit out of them and take their women.

pretty much guys are naturally stronger than girls. they can beat the shit out of them physically. i'm not an advocate of it but i'm just saying. chicks dig those muscles and the thrill of having someone else dominating them. so anyways... i'm working out and getting stronger.

i was talking to some people yesterday that brought up a great debate question.

would you rather be wealthy or be physically fit?

MUSCLES!!! that was my answer. i used to not think like that. i used to think that getting money would get the chicks but here is the thing about money. money is just a tool. like attracting girls with money is only doable when she knows you have a lot of money. once again it comes down to the protection and the safety the girl feels from having a man with lots of money. it comes down to this... she knows that if she sucks that dick she is all good for the rest of her life.

how easy is it to be a chick. all you got to do is spread your legs and suck some dick and you never have to work another day in your life. is it really that hard. work out, exercise, stay at home... do some shopping. look sexy. that's all you ladies got to fucking do. it ain't rocket fucking science. the only reason guys do shit is to get girls. i always say if i could fuck chicks and live in a cardboard box, why bother fucking do anything! right?

anyways... that is my post for now. i might put some pictures up to show my transformation process from zero to hero. i'll keep you blog readers poster. later NIGS!!!

wondering

you ever sit around and smoke massive amounts drugs and listen to music. you wonder what is going on in your world.

i like reading books, gardening, and listening to elton john. i think i might be a homo. its kinda scary.

you ever wonder what you were meant to do in life? like do you have a dream. something big you want to do. something you want to achieve.

after MJ died i was pretty sad. i loved that guy. i don't care how fucked up he was. he was an artist. a true person. it didn't matter how much money he had. he lived. it was freaking awesome

i watched tv and americas got talent. i didn't see much talent. i was not impressed.

i watched some wedding show and i thought love it a beautiful thing. when two people go out and stand each other for 10 years and then get married you have to think something special is going on. would i ever want to get married? a resounding hells no. why would i ever want to do something like that.

things i'm working on. my gardening. i got this thing called can-o-worms and i'm going to grow a worm farm... i'll finish this later

more xanga post from the past

dec 28 2006

So what's been going on in the life of blank. Well I was working at Lotus Flower selling chinese food on Christmas eve and Christmas. Yes, it's true. Chinese people have no souls and we serve food on Christmas. It's called a Jewish Christmas that we cater towards. Jewish people and other heathens come out in hoards to eat Chinese food and watch movies at theaters because there is nothing else to do. It's quite a busy day because most American restaurants are closed on Christmas and close early on Christmas eve.

My friends from California came back and we had a bru ha ha. That involves getting together and passing a peace pipe while engaging in non-sense conversations of the past and present. It's rather quite entertaining and fun. I enjoyed it. It was followed up by a late night ihop run at 12:00 AM which lasted until 2:00 AM. Thank God for late night ihop. What would the world be without IHOP.

Other than that I've been studying for this test at the Crackaroni Grill. I have to memorize 50 fucking items on the menu and what's in each item. I actually failed the first test and felt rather embarrassed. I mean, I am a college educated individual and people who work there are either going to college or uneducated baboons. And I couldn't pass the test that they passed. That means I am worse that an uneducated baboon. It pretty much puts me on the level of horse shit. yes, I'm horse shit... God help me please!

Been reading books recently. Last book I have been reading is Sex, Drugs, and coco puffs. It is a fascinating book and I really enjoy it. I'm about 55% through it and I've enjoyed 80% of it. I feel smarter when I read books. But let's not forget that I am not smart. I am horse shit as mentioned above.

Got the new NAS cd. I actually bought a CD. This was influenced by my friend E wong. E Wong believes that if you don't buy CD's then rap superstars can't become millionaires... or that's the philosophy in a nutshell. So support your artists and make them rich. But NAS is already rich. Yea, I know, but it's about letting someone know that the work they produced was worthy of your money. I'm going to stop trying to steal and download all my music for... actually I am paranoid as to if police or other people read this stuff so I am not going to say what I do with music. I'll rephrase the sentence. I listen to music for free over myspace because that's something legal you can do. Then based on my listening, I go out and buy a cd. I don't do that shit. I usually download shit for free.

The world is a great place. Did you know the Internet was created by people who wanted to pass around naked pictures of other people. Yes, the Internet was created by porno addicts. It's amazing yet true. Why else would people work so hard to make the Internet work.

And tomorrow is another day. I wonder what it has in store for me. Read your bibles and pray. I'm going to bed. Later world.

dec 23 2006

It's 6 AM and i've puked twice and just realized i had the best fucking night of my life last night.

Okay most of that sentence is true but the best fucking night of my life part is probably false. I would say the best night was one of those nights when i was with a beautiful lady doing the nasty nast. But yesterday was pretty darn good. i've come to the realization that i love white girls and i love white people. I think that only in america does a chinaman like myself get a chance to talk to so many hot white women. like if i was in china i would be desperately lacking the shear number of white girls to approach and attempt to make whoopie with.

So i get off of work at around 10:00. I'm pretty tired since i've been running around like a monkey at the restaurant. serving people is no easy job but it pays me pretty decently. like after a night of service i have $75 in my pocket. That's alright but when a hooker or topless dancer services you, they end the night with like $1000 in their pockets. oh well. maybe i'll learn how to dance on the poll one day but until then i'll stick with my profession.

i've been gloriously invited to this crazy party at one of my high school friends place. thank god for facebook or else i would have never known about it. i show up with one of my friends and the second we get into the party i realize that i'm under dressed and hungry for beer. i'm wearing a white tee shirt and black pants with chuck tailors. most of the other people are in shirt and tie or some sexy, classy evening dress. man the girls are looking really nice at my friends party. I thank god that i'm alive.

you ever go to your high school reunion just to check out all the girls you wanted to do in high school? well that's why i go and wow, these girls in high school are mostly still hot. it's freaking amazing how people from good environments and homes manage to stay as relatively good people and well kept. man, coming from a rich, white, suburban town is freaking awesome. my parents made the right move to send my ass to the high school i went to just so i could meet rich white people. my parents are god damn geniuses and i'm real thankful for them.

so i get over the fact that i'm under dressed by quickly consuming some alcohol. nothing makes you forget your problems like booze. i think that's why god invented booze... for me to forget about existing for one moment and just realize what's good and fun in life. when your boozing you realize that laughing, enjoying the company of good people, and not thinking that much is what makes life great. too much thought ruins the fun factor. do you think hanging out with stephen hawking's makes for a fun night? probably not. I would rather take my chances with a couple strippers and a wad of dollar bills.

I start saying hi to people from my high school and i realize that i know a lot of people at this party. that makes me feel good. i guess in high school i had made friends with pretty much everybody... except for hot girls. I was always on a quest to know as many people as possible because some how i believed that it would make me cool and give me lots of power. I'm only 5 foot 4 so you have to make up for your height by being a social beast. it's true, whatever you lack in life you have to make up for with something else. you have to turn your lemons into lemonade. i think being an Asian American was probably one of the hardest things for me in high school. i didn't know if other people would accept me based on the color of my skin. like i know it's 15 times harder being black but being Asian is pretty hard too. as an Asian we get pigeon holed into these categories of being nerds who are good at math. damn, that's the best god damn stereotypes i've ever heard of. Like black people get all the negative stereotypes like they are all lazy and enjoy eating fried chicken. I like fried chicken too but i guess a negative stereotype that asains have received is that we eat dogs... but it's true though. i've never eaten fido in my life but I sure remember my uncle telling me how good he tasted.

pretty much after a couple hours I've managed to throw beer, wine and hard liquor into my system. i really don't feel well but i manage to drive a car half intoxicated, half way back to the wonderful town of Lexington. i can't make it so my wonderful friend who i came with finishes off the drive. he let's me crash at his place and sets up blankets for me. i think our relationship has deepened because he honestly had my back when i was about to die. you know you have a friend in the world when they let you sleep on the couch and you puke 2 times and they still love you. yes, i have a friend in the world and I am very thankful. It's good that i drank so much water during the night. I magically found a brita filter in the fridge at this party and drank lots of water.

I wake up at 6:00 am and drive home. it's quite the fucking night i must say. i had to document it in my journal and this is only half of the stories to be told of the wonderful holiday party i attended in 2006.

oh yea, i have 4 tits btw if people from the last entry were wondering.

december 20 2006

Baffling but true!

I'm reading this book and it says that if your header sucks then people won't read your shit. That amazes me but makes sense. It's all about the header. Like getting head. You just have to get the job done and get people in the door and the rest of the story will take care of itself.

I just thought of another header that has made millions read his stupid shit. Think about this header.

Ripley's BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

then you have some story of this guy with four penises or a lady with 4 tits. I have one of the two things just mentioned. BELIEVE IT OR NOT. Take a guess and i'll reveal that in my next xanga. Maybe with pictures.

So i joined a church blog ring and it was hard at first to be as honest as i can be but i've come to realize that people probably arn't reading my stuff and two, i'm fine with who i am as a person and make no apologies about it. I only have one person to say sorry to and that's Jesus. All other people get my middle finger or a "i'll do better next time".

some people who says i have inspired them have inspired me. when i read xanga i realize that this is what i want xanga to be all about. You don't have to make me laugh all of the time when i read your shit but i want you to be honest so that i can read something that comes from the heart. I want to read a thought or a kernal of your truth so that i can add to my own understanding. I want to read your genius in writing so that i can steal it and put it in my own stuff. i don't want to keep on plugging other peoples shit but i also enjoy this guys xanga site

so that's about it. i'm working at the crackaroni grill in burlington as a waiter. i'm on my way towards owning my own joint one day and i'm feeling pretty good these days. well, i guess i'll entertain you with stories another day. it's almost christmas. that time of year to spend all your money of gifts for people you don't like and getting people things they don't need. Don't you just love it? i give people hugs. that's because i'm a cheap ass. want a hug? if your cute i promise to grab your butt. that goes for guys and girls.

PIECE! <-stolen from the thugpoet.

dec 17 2006

That which is bullshit

So i write these blogs or whatever you may call them and people read them or I assume they read them. Then they leave no comments. I think that's fucked up. Like i recently joined this church blog ring and i assume people from the blog ring come to read my site because xanga has this option called footprints which tells you who has come to your site and then they mysteriously leave no comments.

I would love for one of those church people to call me a heathen, to call me a piece of garbage or to just say "blank, you are a sick, perverted piece of shit". any of those things would be great. I would also love for this guy who i grew up with who has now become a pastor to write a word or two. Wouldn't that be a nice thing to do. To get a so-called Pastor's perspective on what i think. I would sure appreciate it.

I think the world is too full of appearances. Like everyone is trying to be cool or trying not to offend anyone. It really makes me sick to my stomach. Why can't people just be honest with one another. The world would be a better place if there was some more honesty. I guess honesty is just too brutal for some people to handle. They like living in their bullshit routine worlds where they go to their job, go home, eat some dinner, watch some tv, go to sleep, and do it all again. Is that how you live? Isn't it fucking sickening? Don't you want more out of life?

I'm no saint and i'm not a good person. I'm probably the most evil and twisted person you might meet in a lifetime. But at least i'm honest. Or i try to be honest. I contemplated lying to people and going back to being not myself but why do that? Why show others something which is false. Eventually you will figure out who i am, why not know me in the first 60 seconds. If you don't know me i'm a sex crazed, money hungry, selfish, lazy person who only wants the best for myself and i'm kinda an elitist too. Yes, i walk around at times thinking i'm better than others. And that's who i am. I've come to accept it and i want to change parts of it. I want to be a more loving person. Love the homeless and love those who nobody cares about. It's something i'm working on. I'm a working progress.

So, that's about it. I wish you all merry holidays. Enjoy life and live it. Live courageously. Helen Keller once said "life is a daring adventure or nothing". Think about that and chew on it. You might just dare a little bit more.

Later nukkas. I saw someone else use that word nukka and i'm going to use it here. I'm daring to be different. I dare. By the way, what is a nukka? please inform me. i think it means nigga but saying it in a different way.

dec 14 2006

So we go out to the kell's again on wednesday night. I'm kinda bored of the place but they serve $1 beers. How can you complain. So i'm talking about anal sex with these other guys and this one girl gives me a nasty look like i'm some sick demented fucking perv. I call her out on it and say "hey, don't give me that look, i'm not some sick dirty perv just because i talk about anal sex". She tries to play it off and says that i'm gay because i'm wearing a blue shirt. I decide to play along and i ask her super hot friend for an opinion. Her hot friend says I take it in the ass because i wear a light blue shirt as well. That's it. I am not letting this fucking hot as bitch take control of the situation. I blow up on her. I say you girls are the type of girls who would take it in the ass from a guy who wears a light blue shirt. Then i start humping the air like a mad man who just got paid. They think i'm crazy and call me a "fudge packer".

I say "turn around, let me see it from the back side you sluts, oh yea, that's the way you like to be taken. Let me see your hair you dirty whore". Let me set up the situation for you. These girls are with this guy who has big muscles. My friend Admin says that guys with big muscles have a small wee wee. He is obviously right because i'm talking so much shit to these girls and they say nothing. HAHAHA. Fuck you bitches. These girls are so fucked up in the head. They don't know if they should turn around and face me or show me their backs and let me continue to say that i will take them from the behind. The are fucking confused , trying to get their body posture right to say the right message which is fuck off asshole. HAHA, i win bitches. The big muscle man does nothing. I continue to rant on them by saying "i'd love to have you in pig tails and ride you from the back you dirty slut". Still no response from muscle man. She says some shit about not understanding me and i go into a chinese accent. I say "you don't understand the words coming out of my mouth?" in a chinese accent. Like i'm fucking jacky chan. This hot ass girl is speechless. I've fucking dominated a white girl and i love it. Especially a hot one. I've given her come backs and taken away her power. I feel like the fucking man. And i didn't get my ass pounded. Nothing beats it.

Other things happened that night but fuck it. It's another story for another day. All i can say is i'm proud to be an asian man shitting on white girls. Ain't nothing better than that. Don't judge me by the color of my skin bitches. Watch out for fucking

dec 12 2006

I'm watching gray's anatomy and i'm on the verge of crying. Then i think that i'm in my room by myself and I say fuck it. I'm going to cry cause nobody is going to see it. So i ball my eyes out. Another scene comes on and i fucking ball my eyes out again. What the fuck is wrong with me. A grown man fucking crying. I feel like such a pussy.

I listen to this Maria Carey song called fly like a bird and i start crying again. I'm really fucked up. Something inside of me is not emotionally right inside.

I remember when i was on my health diet and reading this book about acne. The book said that while on the diet, i would feel the release of emotions and cry for no reason at times. Crying signified a release of toxins and bad things inside of my body. So i cry, i breathe so fucking deeply. Like i've never breathed before. My chest is fucking hurting when i'm breathing. I feel like i can do anything. I feel like a burden has been lifted from me.

So i was watching this show called nip/tuck and i know what's going to happen at the end without even seeing the end of the show. I remember back to this time when i had a great friend and he told me that he wanted the ability to see 100 steps into the future. Fuck, i think i'm getting that gift. Like i can predict the future and shape in in whatever way i see fit. I feel like God in a way except i know that the gift i've received is from the one above. To he who has been given much, much will be expected. I always think about these words and think, the expectations on my life are fucking high. Higher than the sky, higher than the tallest building. The expectations are those destined to the life of a chosen one from above. But it's nothing special. Anyone can find favor with the one from above. Anyone can be God's favorite. You just have to listen to God and pray to him, read some bible and suck his dick. Like if God had a penis you would have to suck it. That's what God would want. To get what you want you just have to give some head sometimes. And i'm willing to do it. I'm willing to suck some of God's dick.

I had a thought a while back that you have to suck someones dick in life. You can either suck satan's dick and find temporary moments of happiness but ultimately a shitty and lost life or you can suck the dick's of Jesus christ, god, and the holy spirit. Like you have to pick one. I was sick of sucking satan's dick. Sick of trying to get all this material bullshit that was suppose to bring me happiness but never got me anywhere but wanting more. And i gave up. I wanted to suck some new dick, God's dick. And i can try to say that if you take away all that i have, leave me naked, leave me with nothing, i will still have more than you have, because i have God and forgiveness. And this sounds stupid but it's what i believe. This life is temporary, you will die one day. You can choose to have that which is eternal. A life beyond life itself. This life will end and it will end fast. Being out of college for 1 year you see how fast time moves. Choose life forever instead of the temporary life. I might be a prophet, i might be something more. But i'm just human, an instrument to show god's will and way. Hate me if you will. Hate my religion. Hate my belief. But i cannot stay quiet no more. I am unafraid of your opinions. We are all free to have opinions and this is what i think. Accept it and join in the conversation. I'll do my best to listen.

Sorry for the semi-serious entry. When you cry you can only be serious. But yea, i was a big time pussy this afternoon. I'll do better to be a so-called man.

dec 13 2006

I was driving my car under the influence last night and testing it's performance. I was going down this very narrow street at 80 MPH and it dawns on me. What the fuck am i doing? I brake and my cars starts to swerve out of fucking control. I tap that brake and it moves left and i turn right and the car counter balances. The care comes to a halt and then I think... THANK YOU FUCKING GOD... I am still alive. It's freaking amazing. I was suppose to die last night. I think i've tested the limits of life. I feel so alive after facing death but it was so stupid. Why the fuck was i driving drunk? What was I doing? I'm so dumb. I could have died. It was scary.

Last night after work i called my friends and they were “tired”. What a boring fucking excuse for monday night. Monday's were made for parties. Boston blows because not enough people drink on a monday. Or do they? Me and my cool friend set out to find out what goes on in the bump of the night on monday. I get to his place and we begin our night by watching a massive amount of youtube. This shit is addicting. You can type in anything and a video will come up on it. I am particularly in interested in watching steve irwin's death video. Something about seeing someone die interests me. When you see that which is life leave someones soul you value that which you have and view it as more precious. Plus i'm just twisted and demented like that. I once had this english teacher who said that every person should see the birth of a baby live and the death of a man. It puts things in perspective on the preciousness and uniqueness of life. All to often we are hustling and bustling and doing our shitty jobs and we don't realize how fucking fortunate we are to live on this planet. Okay, i'll get off the soap box. Anyways... my friend types in the word funny indian music video. Some crazy ishboo shit comes on and we start laughing hysterically. Ishboo is my created derogatory term for indian people. I don't hate indian people. I just like the word ishboo. It sounds indian to me. Okay... i'm being a racist. I'm going to find the video on youtube just so you can share a moment with me and laugh just like me and my friends did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H0Yi4AjQCw

so go laugh your fucking head off. So we go out to this local bar in the area. Me and him are all about exploration tonight or else i would have called up some bitches to join with us in the festivities. So the bar is called soho. It's a nice looking place and we drive by and see 3 girls inside all alone. What are three girls doing out on a monday night? I'm thinking at least one of them has got to be horny. But now looking back on the situation one of them has probably had a hard day and just needs to abuse some alcohol. That's what they told us when we talked to them. We did the cigarette route. They went for a smoke then we went for a smoke and talked to them.

On smoking. I hate fucking smoking but it is so easy to talk to girls when you are smoking a cig. That's the only reason i do it. Plus i like weed. I like that head spinning i can do anything feeling. But have you ever seen those commercials of people under the influence of weed and then crashing a car. That shits bullshit... okay it's not. When i smoke weed and go driving i am so fucking paranoid. Especially at night. It freaks the fuck out of me. I feel like their are monsters in the trees and shadows. It's very scary. I've never had sex on weed but i can only imagine that it's like sex on another level because i've jerked off once when i was under the influence of weed and it was 10 times better than regular jerking off. And then i passed out immediately afterwards. It's like you can close your eyes under the influence and imagine anything in the world and your visualization skills are on another level. I bet i could build and conceptualize the brooklyn bridge under the influence. And that's the type of bullshit that comes out of your mouth when you are high.

So we leave soho because the drink are expensive. They arn't super expensive. We buy 4 drinks for $20 bucks. The problem is you can buy 20 drinks for $20 at the avenue. I say it's bad logic to stay here because to get shit faced here is not worth it. I'm no yuppy and i want to spend my dollars getting seriously hammered for as little as possible. We head to the avenue.

Oh shit, we are at the avenue and there are a lot of dudes here. It is a serious cockfest in there but hey, what man would be attracted to $1 beers. We get another two drinks here while eying the waitress here. She is smoking hot. Cockfest with smoking hot waitress. Man it's hard being a guy sometimes. Funny moment of the night. I'm going to the bathroom and the waitress is cleaning tables. This guy comes into the room she is cleaning tables at and says “you need a hand with that”. What the fuck type of line is that? That's like saying “do you need some cock? I'm so fucking horny and you are so hot. I'll do anything for you”. Such fucking loser behavior but i've guilty of doing it in the past. Man, was i a dumbass in my youth. I try to be smarter these days.

After they close at 1:00 we go to another bar called our place. This place is pretty cool. We get this beer called burkake. It sounds like bukake to me. That's the japanese term for guys who circle around a girl and all unload their seed on her. Yea, pretty crazy stuff. Guys will watch the strangest fucking porno movies. If you think about it there are so many weird porno's out there. My personal all time favorite porn is called Shades of Lust.

Shades of Lust

This porn is about these young entrepreneurs who try to sell these sun glasses in an apartments complex. But these are no ordinary sun glasses that you get at the sun glass hut. These are SHADES OF LUST. Every time you put on the glasses and look at a girl she wants to bang you. So they try to sell these lenses to these guys in the complex but they think the young entrepreneurs are full of shit. Until the young studs prove that the glasses work when they knock on some random girls door, get rejected, and then put on the lenses, and then bang the shit of the chicks. It's so freaking awesome. I'm in love with this video. So the guys are convinced that buying these SHADES OF LUST will allow them to bang any chick. They pay $500 for them and walk home gleefully, waiting to bang their next victim.

The young entrepreneurs then giggle with joy as they walk away. They have tricked these silly losers into believing that if they wear the glasses they will get pussy. It was a scam because the two entrepreneurs have paid the chick they banged to have sex with them. They make out like bandits.

What a fucking movie. How can a porn have so much fucking storyline. It's unbelievable.

Anyways, we go to this bar and it's really hip. They have so many seats and couches to sit down at. We see this girl reading a book in the bar. So fucking strange so we go hit on her. She is loving it. We make fun of her and shit. I get her number. I don't know. She's not that attractive but i need an entourage of women following me and my friends around. That we we will become God's. It's always important to BYOB also known as BRING YOUR OWN BITCHES. It's so hard to go out and hit on girls. If you have bitches with you when you roll in you are the fucking man. Girls will come to you if you have one on each arm. So it's essential to BYOB. I drive home and stop at Mcdonald's. I eat two 10 piece chicken Mcnuggests alone. I feel like I am a big loser. But then i think about how tasty all that chicken is. I go home and go to sleep and almost get into that car crash i wrote about earlier. It's quite the fucking night. It's only FUCKING MONDAY! I've made the most of it. While you were at home twiddling your thumbs and jerking off i went out and tried to live. I'm so sick of fucking computers and sitting around and watching tv. That shit is so boring. I want more. I want to feel raw emotions and be around people. I want a good time. I want to show you a good time. I want us to all be in happy land. So join me in the fight for joy. Good day world. We will have fun another day.

dec 10 2006

Oh no, attack of the boring. I've become boring and now i can't post on xanga anymore. I don't know what to say. After a barrage of shit and fart jokes and a lot of comments about my sexual mind i don't think i have any more fluid to give people an interesting post. I'm like a man who just had an orgasm, all i want to do is go to sleep now. Good night xanga. I'll be back another day to play. spent? Yes, it does happen. Even horny men need rest every once and a while. Sorry world. I'll be rock hard soon. I promise not to be flaccid.

dec 7 2006

So last night was fun. I went to a bar in boston called Kells. I like the history of the bar. They used to be an irish pub but then they transformed themselves a couple years back and started doing asian cuisine. I was interested in going because i love chinese food.

So we get there and my friends have not showed up yet. I'm use to being out alone but i did give him a call to ask when the fuck he would get there. Shitty things about going out alone. You feel like a loser because you have no friends. How i combat this problem. I accept that i'm a loser and that i'm a piece of shit when i'm out alone. I stare at girls to keep my mind off of things. So I enter into the big dance floor and it's empty. Go figure... it's only 11:00. For some reason the party don't start until 12:00. That makes sense. I feel like such an amateur showing up at 11:00 PM to a bar. It's like those freshman in college that always show up to a party on time. Like you tell them the party starts at 10:00 and 10:00 rolls around and those fucking freshman show up right on fucking time. It's funny but very respectful in a way. It seems that the cool people arrive fashionable late.

So anyways. I'm on the dance floor on this platform watching this two mexicana chicas dancing. I have a theory that how a girl dances is how she will be in the sack. I watch this white girl dancing all crazy so i call her over. I ask for her to do a cart wheel for me. She politely refuses. What a classy lady i'm thinking. So back to these mexicana chicas. I'm giving the little one the eye. You don't know what the eye is? It's actually called the skanky eye. It's when you look at a girl for the pure enjoyment of checking out her body and when she looks at you in the eye with disgust you give her a devilish grin to let her know that you are staring at her and you will continue to stare at her because you are thinking naughty thoughts inside. So this girl is loving my skanky eye action. She is dancing all crazy and i'm staying my place giving her a dose of skanky eye and she comes over and starts dancing for me. I'm impressed by my abilities that i was able to draw her over, have her look me in the eye and smile at me all because i skanky eyed her. It's freaking great. My friends come over and i ditch the chica. Why would i leave the lady you might ask? Cause she wasn't pretty enough. She was about a 5 in my book and alan only does 7's unless he's drunk. Then he does warhogs.

More happened that night but i'm kinda lazy right now. Maybe i'll write the rest of the story later. It deals with social dynamics and how one girl was calling this other girl a slut who couldn't close her legs because she has been out of a 2 and a ½ year relationship. I love a rebound girl. Why do girls have to be so judgmental of each other. If a girl will open her legs for a man that's a beautiful thing. Why all the hussy fussy. It's too bad my friend ended up getting no play. We got the girl about 10 feet from the car and she backed out. It's scary doing a random guy you just met. It's hard being a girl. I'll write an entry on that in the future. On the difficulties of being a women. Being a man is just so awesome. Any guy who has peed in an ally will contest to this statement.

Cool!!! I gotta boost my xanga rating. No blannk, stop being gay. Just do it for yourself. Never write for others. Be True to you. Okay, i have to get my tires changed today. Going to costco to do that. Get my printer to work. I'm addicted to the comments and people writing and reading my xanga. It gives me a high to know that other people spent the time to read something i had to say. I get a huge hard on when that happens. I kinda want to buy the book hardcore now. It looks so freaking awesome. Like i want to be hardcore too. That is so awesome.

For those of you who don't know who wrote the book Hardcore it was by Ronnie Colman. He is not related to Gary Colman who was a midget on the show different strokes. I might be wrong with that fact but i'm too lazy to go look it up. Ronnie Colman is Mr. Olympia. He has really big muscles and a really full butt. Like his ass is like two round cantaloupe melons. It's rather beautiful. I want an ass like that. I want people to give me a run by ass squeezing. Never heard of those? I had a friend with a real nice ass once and he claimed that one day while he was at the mall, standing around, somebody ran by, squeezed his ass and ran off. I wonder who that person was but that sounds really cool. It's like when a gay guy hits on you when you are heterosexual. You feel flattered because someone in the world loves you.

So i had my 5th year high school reunion recently. I like high school reunions. I once read somewhere to never go to the 5th year reunion. Why you might ask? Because after one year out of college not many people have made it as big shots. Like everyone is still trying to carve out a name for themselves so there is no point in going because you can't brag and tell people you are better then they are. So books have recommended going to the 10th year reunion. I have to disagree with this point though. I liked the 5 year reunion. It really shows you what has become of people. Like who's still hot and who's not anymore. Remember all those girls you wanted to do in high school but never thought you had a chance. I just realized that i still don't have a chance with them. Suck huh? Yea it really does but people in high school have such a deep impression of you that it is pretty hard to change unless you've put on a lot of muscle or have become a complete fat ass. Anyways.. I just wanted to say that i saw this Japanese girl that i had the biggest crush on in high school. OMG... She is still freaking hot. She's the type of girl i want to marry because she looks to sweet. She designs children's clothing in new york. Sounds rather trendy. I talk to her for about 2 minutes and get shot down. I feel sad but at least i tried. That's all i can say. Maybe i can do her at the 10th year reunion. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Why i got shot down? I analyze the fuck out of every situation i come across. I do it because i want to improve myself for the next interaction with anybody. So she says, "i design clothes in new york for infants". I say "cool". And that's it. I felt like a dumbass. I should have said "cool, i have nothing to say to that. In fact, i don't care about your job. BTW, i had the hots for you in high school... and i still do. I only came to this reunion with the hopes of bumping into you so that we could make babies. Interested? I love about 20 minutes away from this bar. Come on... i guarantee it will be fun. I'm pretty good in the sack... okay, to be honest i might suck but after we do it there are no refunds." dammit, a missed moment to be honest. Those are the moments that hurt the most. The ones we miss. If only we could turn back the hands of time. I like how we can't though cause every time you win nobody can take that away from you. But the shitty thing is you have to constantly prove yourself. Like would michael jordan be great if he didn't win 6 times in a row just to show you how great he was. Like you have to set the bar so freaking high to be a legend. And in 100 years nobody will care what you did on this earth. It's sad. So i just try to worship God and prepare for the afterlife. I hear if you kiss God's ass you get to wear a crown in heaven that looks really nice. You might ever get a goblet like Lil John has. "YEAH!!!"

this is kinda two posts in one. i just write and post what others might like to read. a lot of the things i write to myself during the day are pretty useless like eat healthy, take fiber. i don't think people want to read it so i don't post it.

dec 4 2006

For my xanga fans

So people said they liked my entry to i guess i had an idea of posting a really bad sexual experience online for people to learn from and know what not to do. I love the idea that somebody can read what i wrote and then go, shit that sucks, i don't want that to happen to me or say, yea, alan, that happens to me too one time and it sure sucked.

So back in college one day i met this really beautiful lady. Okay, she wasn't really that pretty. I'm just saying that because it makes me feel better. My roommate in college actually said this girl was twice my size. Two times bigger than me. I've always loved voluptuous girls.
So we go back to her place and we are messing around. What exactly does messing around mean? It means that i got a hard on and we are making out heavily. Sometimes messing around means all sorts of things like it could mean that we are both naked under the sheets or something else. Anyways... somehow i get her panties off. That was an act of god i tell you. 1. because i had no game in college 2. because i had no game in college 3. holy shit... i got her panties off. YAY!

Anyways, we make out some more and then she says she has to go to the bathroom. She comes back and then i eat her out. But you thinking... blank that's gross... she just went to the bathroom. How can you eat that out. That's like you drank her piss. I know. But i didn't know at the time. i was so excited to be making out with a girl who had no panties on i didn't care. I didn't care until i tasted her urine. That did not taste good. Actually. I've drank my own urine. I've done it in the shower. But not like drank it. I pissed into my hand and licked it. Now that might sound gross to you but i wanted to try it out. I read about these African tribal man who drank their urine and became like superman. I've also read that the first urine of the morning is packed with vitamins and minerals. So i wanted to try it out. Yes, it sounds sick but really... yea, it doesn't taste very good and thinking about eating out this girl and her urine wasn't a great experience. So that's it. That's my story. I don't know what others have been through but my word of advice is don't eat pussy after she goes to the bathroom.

Why i ate the pussy? I was watching some porn videos once and read online or in some books that women love to get their vag eaten out. I don't know. I just wanted to show her that i was willing to do what others probably wouldn't want to do. Now i know why others don't want to do it. But i'll do it. Cause i'm a man. And i'll do whatever it takes to make somebody happy. Anything. And if eating and drinking someones pee is what it takes... GOD DAMN, I'll do it the rest of my life if i have to. It's not about me. It's all about the other person. See. I'm a god damn romantic.

Well that's my story for tonight. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll come up with something else some other day. To the lady who this story was about. I hope you never read this or... you think of me and that time we had together and think of it as magical.

To any Christian individual who reads this... yea, i'm a sinner. I know that. I think god forgives me. I don't claim to be pure. I've come to the conclusion that i am not a saint. I am an unholy piece of crap that has been forgiven. AND THANK THE LORD JESUS that i have been. Well that's it for me. Stay cool everybody. Laters.

nov 30 2006

Things I do that I don’t really want to do. I jerk off but I really don’t want to be doing that. Like I feel like such a dirty bastard when I watch porn and shit like that. Does everybody really watch porn? Like is the whole world watching porn. Imagine what people in countries without porn do? Like village people. Do they use their imagination? Wow, that sucks. Porn is so much easier. I mean how many times can you jerk off over the village hottie. I bet it gets old after a while.

So what do I have to do today? My mission is to get big. So I have to get lifted. Going to the gym and putting in my time. Why? Because I wanted to. And I Have to. Cause I paid $50 to use the place and I’m going to get my moneys worth. I’m going to use the sauna and lift some weights. Do some running. I think I’m getting bigger. I don’t know. How serious am I about this and why am I doing this? I think I’m doing it for the girls but that’s not enough. Like I should do it for better reasons. I need more reasons. I was listening to this guy called Jim Roan and he said that you don’t do things because you don’t have enough reasons, not because you don’t have enough goals. That stuck with me because I have lots of goals but not enough reasons and the goals don’t get done. Make sense? It does to me.

Well I’m off to the gym. The rest of the day will be spent at the Alan St. Condo. We are doing renovations. It should be interesting day of moving things and being a bitch. My views on being my daddys bitch. To learn you must be the bitch. Nobody starts out the master. You have to be the bitch. The fastest way to learn is from people who are masters. Don’t try to be the best without knowing what the best is. Copy the best then innovate from it. That’s my new philosophy. I stole it from David D. He’s a love doctor. I need love so I listen to my love doctors tapes and cd’s. Yea, I’m nuts.

Wow, just watched heroes. Such a good fucking show. I wonder what super powers I have. I must have some super powers. I wish I could fucking fly. That would be cool even though it sounds so generic. What if I had the power to make my dick super big. Like into the size of a baseball bat. I think that would be an admirable power. And I would swing it around and kill robbers who were trying to get away. Kinda like Mr. Frantastic from the frantastic 4 except just with my penile membrane I could do it. That’s a super power to be proud of.

My mom cooked me some broccoli this morning. I ate it with sea salt. It was good. Had some bread as well. So I can’t change the past. What ever happened will always stay as it was. All I can do is move forward into the future. I wonder about the future. I had the thought about what if the world was going to end soon. Would everything be the way I wanted it to be? I don’t think so but at least I had fun here. At least I bared my soul and another person knew who Alan Chen was. I enjoy baring my soul. I enjoy the truth. I don’t hide. I want to hide but hide no more. I’ll step up into the spotlight and be unafraid. I’m not afraid to shine. Man, that whole last couple of sentences sounded really gay. I gotta stop that gay shit.

HAHA, that is the fucking funniest shit I’ve ever read. People are breaking tv’s with their Wii controllers because they are throwing it too hard. Fucking crazy. I’m amazing and dazzled by this article.

So I eat lunch and cook some fish. I’m thinking to myself, this is the best fucking meal in the world because I’m cooking it. Like if I went to a restaurant and cooked this fish it would cost me $20 bucks but since I’m doing it in my own house it cost me like $6 bucks. That’s a lot of fish in my body. I’ve been trying to eat more fish because fish is filled with omega-3 and some other healthy shit. Make sure the fish is deep sea fish or wild caught and not farmed fish. I think the farm fish are fed crazy shit in their diet and then you eat them. I think about it like this. If you wanted to eat somebodies meat would you want to eat Brad Pitt’s meat or Bone Crushers meat. Sure, Bone Crusher has more meat on him but which meat is all fit and well exercised. This example sounds gay cause I used guys in it. Okay, would you rather eat Jennifer Anistin’s meat or Oprah’s meat. Man, I wouldn’t eat oprah’s meat. I don’t think anyone would. Unless she paid you to eat it. Then I would eat it all day long. I think that’s why Oprah is not married. She’s just not sexy. She’s strong but not sexy. I like sexy girls. I like to have sexy time. Man, that movie Borat was funny. I like that line. Having sexy time.

I’m going to go for a job interview at. Well I better not mention it to jinx myself but yea, I guess we will see what happens. Hopefully all goes well. And if not I think it’s because God has other plans for me.

So now I’m at home reading my xanga and learning that other people read it too. I think cool. I have fans. I can’t disappoint them but it’s not really for the fans. I like writing because I enjoy writing. I think it’s cool that people read what I write. I actually find great pleasure in that. I’m having an orgasm thinking about it.

Well the rest of the day went pretty good. I went to this bible study group. Well not bible study but more like a mens group. We get together and talk about or problems. I am known in the group as chronic masturbater. That’s my problem and sin. It’s like every super hero has a weakness. Superman has kryptonite. I have chronic masturbation. Like women are my weakness. Especially super hot ones that are naked. I love super hot naked women. They are my kryptonite. Don’t be alarmed if you are a super hot women, it’s not like I’m going to whip out my junk and just start jerking off. I’m a civilized man. I do it in the private of my own home with toilet paper or tissues. Like triple ply tissues from Scotts or Kleanex. I bet the inventor of Keleenex invented triple ply tissue paper not for this running nose but because he always had cum on his hands after shooting a load into his tissue paper. Triple ply tissue paper is so freaking strong. Like you could shoot two loads into it and your hands would still be dry. Also it has aloe moisterizers in it to keep you hands smooth. Freaking amazing.

I get home and I eat a turkey sandwhich. I’m under the impression that eating turkey without hormones in it is more healthy for you then eating lunchable meat packed with additives. I bought it at Trader Joes. I think I’m being a good boy and treating my body right. That makes me happy. I’m also eating a big piece of romaine lettuce with my bare hands. I feel like a barbarian in ancient times like I’ve just killed a large animal. Except I’m eating lunchable turkey and a big piece of lettuce. I guess I’m trying to be manly but I’m not really.

Oh, I showed up for my interview for the restaurant position and the interviewing guy has his day off on Thursdays. I am really fucking pissed. The bartender at this place is this tall ass asian guy. I hate him instantly because he is tall and asain. I look over and see this waitress walk by. She’s a short white girl with a tight butt. I’m excited. I’ll be back in tomorrow for an interview.

Well that’s another day in the life of blank. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I like being blank. You must wonder where I get all the time to write these entries. I love writing. I’m a writer. I was an English major in college. I write and read. That’s all I do. And work sometimes too and go shopping but I love writing. So thanks for reading. Tell your friends about me so they can step into my world and share a moment with me. That gets me excited. OH… I creamed my pants. Don’t get me too excited.

nov 29 2006

Another day in the life of blank

I wake up at 7:00 AM and think fuck I’m tired. I go back to bed. I wake up again two hours later. I’m having this dream and it’s about something but I forget what the fuck I was dreaming about. I love dreaming. It makes you feel like there is something more to life. Like you can do anything. I’m flying in one dream, jerking off a guy from my high school and doing all sorts of weird and crazy shit. Only is it really so strange and crazy shit. Okay so this dream I had a while back was I was jerking off this guy from my high school. Like he asked me to go down on him and give him a blow job but I refused. I offered my hands. I like to think of myself as a handy man then.

When I awake from that dream I asked myself, AM I A FAGGOT? I had a dream about giving another man a hand job. I must be fucking GAY. I think it denotes different things on a subconscious level. I think it means that I am not gay but that I am a very giving person. But I won’t give you everything. Like I’ll give you a hand job but not head. That type of guy.

So I go do some stuff that day like go to work. Work sucks. Actually work isn’t so bad. I go in and teach the new waitress how to get with the program. She learns the art of opening cans of pinnapples, filling a bag with tea, and serving people their food. I show her where our duck sauce is and ginger sauce. What a glorious fucking DAY! I’m out of the floor and it’s showtime. Apparently when we start the restaurant business it’s called showtime. I’m cleaning up plates, looking things over and making sure that our buffet table is running smoothly. I’m chatting with the front desk lady. She says that I’m unhealthy and in drastic need of change. Like I gotta change my diet and things like that. She recommends ISOTONIX. Sounds like funky stuff but it kills free-radicals. It’s full of antioxidives. It’s crazy shit. Like a magical potion. She then tells me that Ashanti takes it as well as Jennifer Lopez. I think to myself, hey, if those people take it, it must be good shit. I read more about it and learn that ISOTONIX is some type of crazy shit that sends all the vitamins into your bloodstream in 4 minutes. I get excited and think I can’t wait to get super healthy.

I’m at Walmart. Everytime I go into Walmart I think that the scum of the universe lives here. Like coach roaches are the people who go to Walmart. But then I think to myself, I’m in here, I must be a roach too. Man I’m a piece of shit. I buy some water. Poland springs. The reason I buy spring water is because I’m sold on the concept that spring water is better for you than tap water. Like tap water is filled with chlorine to make it clean and they did a study somewhere in god knows where and the water that came out of the tap water had more chlorine than swimming pool water. FUCKING CRAZY I think. I’m drinking spring water all the way. 64 cents a gallon. Good fucking deal and I get a whole fucking gallon. It cost $1.29 for coke and coke kills you. I remember back to Thanksgiving day and I’m talking with this guy. He says “Alan, you know coke. Like Coca-cola. They put a nail in coca-cola and after five days the nail was gone… you know why? Cause it fucking corroded.” Okay, he didn’t say it fucking corroded, he just said it corroded. But I’m thinking if coca-cola can corrod a nail it can destroy your body. I’m scared. I huddle myself in the corning until I recover my that scary thought.

Here are my thoughts on Coca-cola. It’s really fucking good. Sometimes when I’m in the restaurant I like to put coca-cola in a shot glass and drink it with ice. I have a fucking orgasm. It’s so freaking good. You think Pepsi taste this good? No, too fucking sweet. I bet I could win at a pepsi-coke challenge. Like I could tell the difference. You know why the people on the street couldn’t tell the fucking difference? Because those people are fucking stupid. It’s kinda like live tv, they edited out all the smart people like me an you who can tell the difference between pepsi and coke.

So I went to the granite marble company today. This guy is named Evan and he is the fucking man. He knows everything about granite kitchen countertops. He gives me one fucking amazing deal on 1 ½ inch granite counter top. I get fucking excited thinking about the granite in my kitchen. I have another orgasm. Evan is excited because he is a salesperson and he made a sale. He has my $200 buck deposite. I bet he had an orgasm too. WE BOTH HAVE ORGASMS. IT’S FUCKING AWESOME.

The day ends. I get back to the restaurant and there is a new 32 fucking inch tv in the bar. It’s crazy. I think it’s too big but it looks really cool. Does anyone know the difference between s-video and regular video? Is s-video clearer than regular video? That’s what I’m thinking. Help me out.

I’m yelling at my brother. I tell him “you are a big piece of fucking shit! Eat more healthy, do more, be more”. He likes it. I like kicking his ass. We both enjoy it a lot.

The day ends. Well it’s not quite over. I want to go work at P.F. Changs. How did they get so fucking BIG. What makes them so special. I think it’s the jew in the company. JEWS can do anything. Heck, they had Jesus. HE was GOD!!!

Thinking about buying some shoes. Bruno Magli. Real fucking nice. I tried them out at the store. The leather is so fucking smooth. Made out of baby calf. Fuck you PETA. Or whatever those animal rights groups are. You don’t know comfort until you’ve killed a baby calf. SHITS AMAZING. Also thinking about getting these men shoes called TOSCHI. So fucking comfortable. Let me tell you about the bottom of this shoe. It’s made with carbon. CARBON!!! It’s fucking amazing. Like you can sweat all you want on your feet and it won’t smell like shit. I hate smelly feet, especially mine. But I also have this strange festish of smelling my smelly feet and enjoying it. Something about being dirty that gives me great pleasure. I think it brings me back to my roots of realizing that I’m a piece of shit. But a great piece of shit.

If I had more to say I would but that’s a day in the life of blank. I think it’s pretty fucking exciting. I like being blank. Aren’t you thankful that there is an blank in the world. I AM AND I LOVE blank. He’s the greatest mother fucker in the world.

Oh yea, I read an article on Jay-Z in newsweek today. What a fucking guy. I think he’s really cool. Is he becoming too commercial though? I want to own a Porsche some day. I want to be a millionare by age 30. I want this I want that. Will the wants ever end? Oh yea, I read my bible this morning. That Jesus is a fucking genius. Jesus and genius… you ever think about how close those two words are related. It’s like they came up with the word genius because it sounds like Jesus to convey some sort of god-likeness. Interesting? I thought it was and that’s an blank original idea invented here. Don’t steal my shit. Give me e-props. Read my web journal as I document my life. I’m not afraid to be myself. I’m not afraid to be me. You shouldn’t either. Hire me to kick your ass. I’ll do it for $50 an hour. And that’s a steal my friend. That’s a steal.

july 21 2006

help me have 15 minutes of internet fame. go to the link. watch and enjoy the video. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8958339367080415505

more old xanga post

june 26 2007

friends of blank are coming over tomorrow. hell ya. well we will see what happens but i kinda think girls are stupid. they really are dumb. i kinda see the only value in them is fucking them. is that so bad of a view point. maybe i just haven't met the right girl yet. other things in life. the money is rolling in and now i am kinda saving it. work week is almost over and i got some more money. yea! hell yea. that is always a good thing.

learning more things. learning japanese on the rosetta stone. was thinking about an idea. to become a writing and review items. i think i am good at it. but anything you do eventually becomes a job. crazy right? and then you get sick of it. like if i didn't have to do it i could do it for hours on end. if i have to do it i want to do it. like not getting what you want in life? strange as fuck. what if i could want what i have. i have what i want. i have a nice family. i have all the things anyone could ever want in life. i just want more more more. i am crazy. i am a crazy son of a bitch. fuck!

june 24 2007

holy crap. i saw my grandma today and she is nearing the end of her life. that is some pretty powerful stuff to witness in your life. to see someone you care about close to dying. it made me cry. it really made me cry. it made me want to just value the importance of my life. the value of time.

when people die and you don't care about them it doesn't hurt. but when someone close to you is about to die it makes the world of difference. like you just need one more moment with them. and you take things so for granted. like everything in the world you just take it for granted. like tomorrow will just come. but in reality you just never know if tomorrow is going to come. you have to be more and more generous. you just have to be. you have to give more. you just have to be more. that is the way of the warrior. be more. i am more. i am more. i am more.

june 23 2007

things to do today. i am going to go buy these pens from levengers. i am glad that eric liked his birthday gift. thank god for richie ma to put together everything. shit i owe him so fucking money now. all good now that i have a job. got some pants done by jack today. he looks tired and it is good that he is getting a break and going to cape cod. he must have been working so fucking hard. you have to work hard to get what you want in life.

things to do go get. go get some custom suits. that shit is going to be so fucking hot. i need to save up fucking $1000 bones to go get a suit. fucking crazy. whatever it takes to get the suit done right. and some custom shirts. i can't wait to be a fucking baller. it is going to be so fucking awesome. i can't fucking wait.

anything else to look forward to? just reading more about the market and getting more books about money. i need to go buy an ipod. shit. i am spending money like crazy but at least i am getting things. so it is all fucking good.

can't wait for some of my friends to come back home. friends like jon hung and jeff tang. that is going to be a lot of fucking fun. i need to chill out and relax. i like working. i need to be more focused at work. things are getting better and better everyday. alright. things are going to get better and better every day. i need a girlfriend? yea do i? sometimes i think about it and how i want to fuck and then sometimes i don't want to fuck random girls. i want something special. sometimes i just feeling horny. i just want something special. i just want god to drop and angel down from heaven. i am sure it is going to happen. what do you mean by rich? fucking boy band rich. i want to make a million dollars a year. that is what i want. then i can just fucking give it all away. give it away to friends and buy them shit. buy them cool stuff. buy myself cool stuff. donate it to the church and set up a trust account and then have it grow and have it feed the church so that people don't need to donate money anymore. i want to save the world. i want to buy my brother that condo and pay for it. he has been so good to me. i want to pay off my own condo. i want to have one million in my retirement account at the age of 35. i remember when i wanted to retire at 30. i was fucking crazy. i am working hard but i am learning to be more relaxed. new thing i learned today. always walk and sit with confidence and with a strait back. just do it. just always be confident. just always act confident. have the right body posture and things will work out great. things always work out great. things always work out for the best. i love my life. i love my life. i am just so thankful for God for all that he has given me. i am learning japanese on rosetta stone for free which is from cary library in lexington. that is like $5000 worth of free education. i am so fucking horny in getting it. i am so fucking happy about that. this is going to be so fucking awesome. anything else going on? no. go to see edward hopper exhibit. enjoy my life and do things every day. every day in every way i am getting better and better. yea man. i am the shit... haha... i flatter myself. anyways. good day world.

june 22 2007

so i got back from work. that was fun drinking with my friends from work. i think this girl like me who sits next to me. i looked her over and i don't like her anymore. i just don't think she has the mental capacity to keep up with me. i am just too fucking smart. this sucks. it is so hard to find the right girl. i am a superstar. i am on the trajectory to just be number one. i am the best. i am feeling real cocky these days. i need to bring it down a notch and be humble. so what next. i think lets go through things i want. i think i want a custom suit. i am going to go for pants first. from this place austor and craft or something like that. then after that another belt. i like my new shoes. fucking hot shit. this is important. the knowledge i give to others is worth rocket fucking fuel. i got some really good shit from tuan. yea, i got some awesome shit from him. so what next. i don't really know. i have sex with hot women. oh yea. this is the e wong story of the week. i saw this girl and she looked exactly like the hooker i fucked in san francisco. HAHAHAHA. i took one look at her and thought... i already fucked you! YEA BITCH! awesome. so fucking awesome.

june 21 2007

i go through my life just wondering what it is all about. i hear this one song and it touches me so deeply i wonder what i am living for. i want to party and fuck chicks and other things are going on in the world and i just don't care. somebody out there is hurting and i just want to fuck and make money. am i fucked up. am i selfish? i really am a piece of shit. i hate myself. i am all about doing crazy self help bullshit but sometimes the real me and the true me comes out. i have some fucked up lips right now and i don't have perfect skin. but i tell myself everyday that i have a huge penis. i have perfect skin and i have a great attitude. i tell myself that i love myself and that i am great. that i am the best. and i do it in hopes of it becoming a reality. i tell myself this everyday. that i am getting better and better and that i am special and i am a unique individual. but sometimes i just start to think that i am not much. that i am nothing. that i am a piece of shit. the glory of man is attempting to be god. we just want to be god so badly and anyone who can pour in enough effort and time we see a glimps of what god could be like. what perfection could be like. what perfection could be. and we go on this emotional roller coaster ride into emotion land trying to find love, peace, joy and happiness. and we trap ourselves in our own prisons. what is it all about? fucking life. just live. just live.

so i have been about 1 month into training. i like it. it moves kinda slow though. i have been looking at suits. i want a custom suit. like three of them. i think that would be hot shit. yea. that would be awesome. i am such a small guy so i have to work with what i have and i want a great look. you know what i mean. i just want to look awesome. music? no. what is my passion in life. i like clothing right now but i honestly like my job. i enjoy reading investopedia.com until my eyes bleed and shit like that. so what next? i want to be the boss. i want to own these niggas. i want to get a wife. i've been thinking about this girl coming from taiwan called angela. i think i want to marry her but i am just going crazy. i have to settle my life down. it is all over the place. you know what i mean. i have to settle my life down. i just want to have fun and enjoy my life. things to do is to drink more water. blank is a good guy. i like everybody in my class. i like that blank. why does this girl blank laugh at everything i say. i must be fucking halarious. fuck yea. moving on though. we have the same fucking birthday. do you think that your birthday and year of birth effect what type of person you become. you are crazy. i think having great parents made me the man i am today. i am so thankful for having great parents and great friends. it is so awesome. i love my family and friends. i love my aunt. she gave me tickets to blue man group. that was a fun time. i love my second uncle. he is so funny. i love my cousin blank. he is my favorite. i just have fun with him all the time. we grew up together. so it was awesome. i love him. i love my life. i am just so thankful to have it. i am thankful to god for such a beautiful world to live in. it really is so very awesome. it really is awesome. goals and other stuff? i dunno. i think the world is good. life is good. haha, my mom called irene a ho. so fucking funny. what a fucking ho. i love it.

may 29 2007

so another day is going by. i am learning about brinks and flowers and find it all very fascinating. I think that i have a lot to learn in life and i have a passion for learning. i love to know new things and i feel like knowing something and applying it is power. i want to be very very powerful.

may 27 2007

so this is what has been happening in my life. i realize that i am a big loser and that i am a really shy guy. like i have a hard time approaching people. i approached a couple of girls last night and i failed. i felt like shit. but i kept on pressing onward. i am always at there with the i don't give a fuck attitude and that is good. after a couple of flame outs my mind had to stop the pain. it was hard. i mentally broke down and that was hard for me. i felt like such a pussy but that is good learning experience.

i guess that is what bothers me. i had fun with that hooker in san francisco but it was kind of fucked up. like somebody could make that type of money that fast. and how many people had fucked her. and i fucked her. so fucking stupid. i can't believe i did something so dumb. i fucking hate myself for it. i hate my friends for making me do it. that is kinda stupid to say but i really feel that. i feel so much fucking pressure when 4 people called me a fucking pussy and kept on egging me on to fuck a hooker. like what was the whole point of that. what did that accomplish. as a christian man, you know that is against my religion and yet you egg me on to do it. that got me really fucking mad and upset. i know you mean well but what the fuck was that shit. fuck fuck fuck. it still bothers me. almost as much as the time i got dumped by that girl freshman year. it just sits in a really uncomfortable place. the you said to do it and then you didn't do it yourself. granted you have a girlfriend right now but don't fucking lead people where you don't want to step. that to me is fucked up. fuck, it is over now. you can't take it back. it is over. i made my choice and i will have to live with it. what a dumb fucking choice. i would rather have a ipod nano than fuck that chick. fuck, i can use my hands. i guess this is just part of me growing up and the pain i am going through to grow up. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

got a new job. that is pretty cool. that makes me happy. anything else. went out last night. i think i am getting better and better everyday though. i am able to handle rejection a whole lot better and am able to mold and mend my mental states better. another plus. so that is about it. fucking wish i was taller. wish i had a huge cock. wish for all these magical things. it is hard for me to just appreciate the things i have in life. i always want more. there is this fucking hunger inside of me that just wants more and more and more. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

do i really like my life. do i enjoy myself. do i like my own company? no no no. i think i am always on this mission to solve some type of big riddle in life and the riddle is to just fucking chill the fuck out. in a ways i try too hard. i guess it might come from this napolian complex that says i have to be great because i have so much to prove. i have this huge chip on my fucking shoulders. i don't have to prove shit. i am me. fucking love me or hate me. fuck you. this is who i am.

why all the hate. i guess the truth is coming out. what is in my heart. oh well. at least it is released now. somewhere on cyberspace. and that brings me joy. being more honest in life. i guess that is where we go from here. later and amen. take care of yourself. you can do it.

may 13 2007

alright then. the purpose of life is learning. or is it god. all that mumbo jumbo. whatever the fuck i have to do i ahve to do. don't you just want to walk around the world and do whatever the fuck you want to do. and buy whatever the fuck you want to buy. and just do that. live like an animal but then live civilized as well when need be. that is waht i want. that is what i want? what do i want? to do whatever the fuck i want to do. to make good choices. if you had all the money in the world what would you do? that is the question. then do it. why not? why not i ask. then do it. i have twenty thousand dollars of play money all saved up. i am going to do whatever the fuck i want. i am going to do whatever i want. why not right? why not.


what the fuck should I do today? I think i am going to go down this insurance road. I got a job and I am going to take it. And work my way up the ladder. Man this is going to suck at first but i think after a while it will be good. I will become an allstar. YEA BABY!

things to do. go to church today. and do some other stuff. fuck fuck fuck. alright, i have been taking a good break. let us figure things out. first priority is to do some god stuff. I actually like that jacket at united beneton.

may 10 2007

so what is going on now? just talked it over with a friend and this is a high hustle game. this financial service game is so fucking hard. it is like i want to quit every day and i feel like shit. but it reminds me a lot like pledging for a fraternity. in the beginning it was so fucking shitting. you had to do all of this shit and do all of these push ups and feel like garbage all of the time. for what? was there a fucking rainbow at the end? to be honest? yes there was. i can now see the fruits of my labor. but that is four fucking years afterwards. or even more. it took a long time to see the outcome and if i keep up with my small time thinking i will not be able to see past that. is this something i want to do? i think so. my goals are still the same. i want to help people. and my skill sets lie with money and food. i like eating and i like money. so helping people pay themselves first is very important. to get accounts though is the hard part. you have to be always selling and that is a little bit hard for my personality. it does make me push myself to grow though.

my fucking job right now. if i quit now or if i quit later it is going to be the same fucking shit. i don't even want to go now. my feelings say fuck it. i need to continue on with this path of trying to get this financial shit down. didn't you see how he broke it down? 25 clients ahead. they can't all be fucking lawyers and shit like that. they can't all be accountants. or can they? they can't be all small business owners. the most important thing is to be confidence in the beginning. you just have to get 15 forms filled out. that is the most important part. after that you just have to figure other things out. just ask questions. just ask.

it is so fucking hard to ask for what you want in life. you think of rejection as so god damn awful. but is it really that bad? i think you just get better at it. you learn from it. the real boss has to go through some rejection before he gets to where he needs to get to. it takes time to build yourself up. i like this then. this is the first wall i have hit. and i now have to overcome it.

goals? fill out 15 surveys by wednesday. eat healthy. continue to read books. quit my job. fill out 15 surveys. make a list of people. i can't do that here but i can do it. goals are to liquidate my scottrade account. that way i will have more money. freeze my account for now. for $12. that is good for now. next thing is to get a new job. liquidate my account at scottrade. main goal is to stick with something. i just have to stick with things.

so the main task is i need more reasons as to why i want to do this. if i don't have enough reason i won't be able to complete the task. why would you want to buy from northwestern mutual? have been around for a long time.

may 9 2007

kinda fucking nervous. Have an interview today. hope i don't fuck it up. need to get some sleep. holy shit. good god. fuck fuck fuck!!!

may 6 2007

so, what the fuck is going on? been so fucking busy with life. been doing tons and tons of shit and i guess things are looking up. i feel like i am on crack every fucking day. i start the day running and i don't stop until i get home and pass out. so what really freaks me out is i think i have some type of strange spirit in my condo. when i am taking a shower the light turns off and then it turns back on again. i thought it was strange. maybe it is something to do with the electricity but it has happened twice to me. we will figure that out later.

i really liked going to dc and seeing a lot of my fraternity brothers. it was a nice experience. i realized that i have to think bigger and just having this network of people in the fraternity is huge. it makes me that much more dangerous of a person. that sounds cocky and stupid. i just think it is nice to know more people because you have more resources at your fingertips. and that is a good thing.

what i want out of life? for some reason i am thinking about making $100,000 in 3 years. that is my goal. and i will get there. that sounds cocky too. i just really want to get there bad. i don't know why. i just want to.

in 5-7 years i want to get to $250 k and then in 10-15 years get to 500k to 1 mil a year. i guess i am crazy. i just want a comfortable life. a crazy life where i am always doing and using my talents to the best of my abilities. i want to get rid of this strange crust that has developed around my lip. i have this strange skin disease and i have to get rid of it.

hrm... got to get prepared for some round two interviews. the northwestern mutual guy told me to write out 10 questions for the second round interview. wonder what to ask. got another second round on friday this week. so much to fucking do! i need a fucking break. i feel like i am going and working on overdrive. FUCK FUCK FUCK! it is kinda exciting but i need rest baby.

good night.

april 30 2007

what the fuck is going on? I am trying to figure out what to do next with my life and i just talked to my dad. i dont want to be my dads cock sucking whore for the rest of my life. it really sucks when you fucking do that. i want to do something else with my life. i want to go for the stars. shoot for something real big. i want to think fucking huge. i think too small time. this is what my friends have taught me. i wonder if others can read this post if it is protected. i wonder what a protected post means. anyways.

fuck... i am done. going to go talk to god. maybe right something later.

okay so i woke up. worked on my resume. did some talking to god. read some bible. day has been going pretty well. what else do i have to do today? i got to go to work at 11:50. eat, clean some dishes. i want to eat healthy. i have this fucking stubborn acne on my fucking face. i ate a godiva chocolate bar. it was raspberry. it tasted fucking amazing. give my cousin this water bill. pay some bills online. fuck!!! i owe money. i gotta pay these bastards off. they provide me services i need like water and electricity so somebody has got to get paid.

i think about that. where does all the tax dollar go. why the fuck is it inefficient. and then what am i doing about it. absolutely nothing. so why can you fucking complain if you are doing nothing about it. if you really want to change it then get in a position to do so. i am sure when you learn more and more about taxes you will probably understand why the government does what it does. everyone does something for some reason.

privacy. can people read this. like people outside the club house. no. it is a protected post but i am sure the government has some way to read this post. they can do anything. but the question is why. they wouldn't bother because i am such small time shit. you think about it. how many big time people do you know. absolutely zero. i don't know one big time person. one person that has somewhat made it. a fucking celebrity. i don't know any. don't quit your fucking day job then.

got an interview tomorrow. i am scared. i fucked up my first one. this mother fucking negro. black people always trying to keep the asian man down. fucker. i'll show this piece of shit.

april 24 2007

Wow, it has been one month and two weeks since I last updated. I feel like a different person. I have been living in this condo for about a month and a half now. I have been grabbing boobies recently. I actually had my first booby grabbing experience. I was scared at first... but then I just went for it and grabbed some titties.

When I first moved into my condo I had made a commitment to myself to not jerk off. It actually lasted a whole two month and I think I was going crazy. I am a proud watcher of porno once again. But to be honest... I am not liking porno as much as I used to. I used to love pornography but I feel like I am different these days. I feel like I want a real relationship with somebody I care about and love.

I am working on myself. I hit the gym up with my friend now. It is better to work out with somebody rather than work out alone in my opinion. You get a better work out and the work out goes by faster. I hate being alone in the gym just me with the weights. It feels so boring. When you are with a friend life just goes by so much easier.

The future? I am working and P.F. Chang's and I like it there. I have stolen all of their secrets! I think I am done with the restaurant business. It is going to be my back up plan now. I always had a dream of opening a restaurant but I don't like getting dirty. I think for me, my favorite part is promoting a restaurant. Like telling people how good it is.

Which brings me to the point that I have been on a BURRITO BINGE recently. I don't know why but I just love burritos. I ate one at Anna's Taqueria and it was one tasty beef burrito with cheese. I also ate one at this place called Herta's near P.F. Chang's. I feel like I have been called on mission to find the BEST BURRITO in Boston. I now want to eat at this place called Quedobo's and also Boloco. I still like Chipolte. I like their steak burritos. OH MY GOD... all this talk about burritos is making me so hungry.

Anyway... I have been going to the museum. Trying to get a life. The museum of fine arts in Boston is quite the place. I went a second time this month and the second time you do something it is nowhere as thrilling as the first. I was 10 times less impressed by the museum this time than last time. I am always looking for a high. I think I might need to go to the museum in NYC. That would be my cup of tea. By always first master you own domain.
Going to DC soon. Going to see some fraternity brothers. I used to think this fraternity was stupid but now I like it. I like seeing my friends and it gives me a reason to go back... or I would never go back to DC. So this is great. Also founding your own fraternity on campus makes me feel special. I like feeling special.

God... that is my life. I like eating fish. Going to go buy a Brooks Brothers suit. Learning the fine art of shaving my non-existent mustache. I use a single blade instead of a Mach 3 because 3 blades is too harsh on my skin. Also got this shaving cream from B.O. Bigalow called Geo Trimer. Something like that. A London company that has been around since 1817. That's a long time. It should be exciting getting a shave.

Things I have learned. Getting a haircut and looking presentable makes you more attractive to ladies. I didn't know that if I shaved my head and wore beat up clothing people would not like me. Apparently if you look good people like you. I have learned me lesson. Always look good. Always look presentable.

I think I want to learn some chi-gong. Chi-gong is the ancient Chinese martial arts form that involves breathing techniques. Okay, scratch that thought.

Been reading books! Read Words that Work. This Kurt Vonegan book and these books on being a gentleman. I want to be a gentleman. I want to be one so I can make sweet love to a classy lady. I think that is what I want out of life. I want a classy lady. It takes so much effort to be a gentleman though. You have to always be considerate of others. I like just going through the world doing my own thing and at times screwing the occasional person. But being a gentleman means making it a better place for others and making others have a easier time in this world. What if everyone was a gentleman. The world might be a better place.

Wow, that is about it. Enough out of me. Take care world. Good night and God bless.

Oh... I read something on gun control after the VT shootings. I think it is an interesting topic. What if more people had guns. Would that lower crime. Would it make the world a friendlier place? I think that if more people had guns I would be respectful of more people. And they would respect me because hey, we are both packing heat. It is a tough debate. I like the side for having guns. I like the side for taking away guns. Issues are not always so simply solved.

For example. Birth control and abortion. By aborting those babies, you have less crime and less people in prison because if those babies had been born they would have been born into a bad situation and environment. Yes, it is true that people can rise out of a poor living condition but does that always happen. I would say 1% out of 99% get out of their poor environments. So then you could say abortion is good. It is hard to raise a kid right these days. It takes tons of money and free time. Things that most people do not have these days. Not saying I am for abortion or against it. Just saying you need to think about both sides. It is like posing an ethical question. Is it right to kill someone if you killing them prevents them from killing somebody else 30 years into the future? That is what I feel the abortion subject is like. And yes. This is stolen from a book. I think it was Freakonomics or Tipping Point. By the way, go read those books. They are cool.

While you are at it. Read the World is Flat. Talks about the future of the world and how we all need to come up with our own specialized skill. I think my skill in the world is telling people the truth. It is hard to tell the truth. Most people like lying to their self. I do too. But for the most part I believe in honesty. And honesty is my bankable skill.

I used to think my perfect day would include love making all day long. I once heard P. Diddy say that he made love for 26 hours. That is a lot of time. That is love. I think I would need dinner and a couple of movies in there to make a 26 hour session happen. I think I could last maybe 3 hours. And that would be stretching my pure will power to the limits.

The future is coming. It is a good thing. If you didn't have the future you wouldn't have happiness. Because it is that feeling of waiting for something that is so cool. It keeps us striving and moving towards something. These ramblings are getting too long. Another day. Another day. I could go on and on but what's the point.

feb 11 2007

so what has been going on in the life of blank in the last month. It has been a month since the last time I updated and I felt maybe i should write something down so that i can remember what has happened.

i've been drinking a lot. nothing excessive but i have been drinking after work with co-workers and drinking alone at bars. that only happened one friday night because i just really had to have a drink. maybe I am an alcoholic. i think I am. i went to this bar called joe sent me. no, joe did not send me there but they had a really cool sign outside and it lead me into the bar. the bar was nice and had a lot of great beers on tap. a big plus for me. it had nice seating for a big group and darts to play... another nice addition. i saw people drinking these margaritas out of fish bowls. it was the craziest thing i had seen all night. there was a lot of booze in those fish bowls and lots of juice as well. the thing came with three straws. i think it was not meant to be consumed alone but as a communal event. no, i did not drink one alone.

i've been going to chili's to drink after work. I work at the macaroni grill which owns chilis as well. it is a brilliant strategy for the company. they make us pay half off for lunch and then we drink all of our hard earned money away at their bar down the street. it is fucking genius i must say. it's like they make us work for free.

moving into cambridge real soon. in fact i sleep there some nights... mostly wednesday nights when i go out to bars in boston and feel to lazy to drive back to lexington. it is always nice having a second home. i quit my job recently and will be looking for work in boston at another restaurant. so i will be in cambridge a lot more now.

been doing the church thing and reading the bible and doing some praying. that stuff is going well. i got this bible on cd thing and listen to it while i drive my car. it is fun listening to jesus while i drive. it puts me in a good mood and i feel like the light of the world or more godly in a way.

new things that i have learned and have been working on. first thing is posture. it is important to have good posture. i always try to sit up strait, drive my car with a strait back and walk around with good posture. it makes me feel more confident. in fact, when i first started doing it people would call me faggot, loser, and all type of nasty things. i think it comes from the fact that when someone is doing something that takes him to another place of betterment people want to drag that person down... or they reall think that i am a faggot, loser, and china man... well i am a china man... sort of.

strange but true. they think i am bisexual at the restaurant. i like flirting with gay guys despite being hetero. i think it comes from the fact that somebody likes you. that makes me feel good inside. i like it when people like me. like this one gay dude is always grabbing my nipples. that doesn't really scare me. when he went for my inner thigh i got scared. i said... dude, thats gay. best way to test someone if they are gay. go for that inner thigh. if they back away and are afraid they must not be gay. the other gay test is the flick on some gay porn. if you get an errection you are a certified fag. that test was told to me by a friend. i have watched some gay porn before and no errection. horray. i'm strait. but still, i think everyone has a little bit of bi-curiosity.

current books i have been reading. i read on truth, some book about charming people, the world is flat, and norwegian wood. currently reading atlas shrugged. i want to finish that book. it is 1000 fucking pages. what a thick fucking book. but i am going to do it. i am going to read 100 books this year. that is the goal.

been working out and going to the sauna. i like the sauna like i've probably mentioned before. something about being naked in high heats that facilitates conversation. i would like to be in a sauna with a sexy lady. that is a dream that has been running in my mind recently.

lastly, a strange thing that i have been doing recently is talking to myself. i talk to myself and do it while looking at a mirror. i feel weird while i do it but i really get to know myself real well. sometimes i just sit and stare at myself. it is my newest hobby and i am loving it. what do i say to myself? well i would rather not say. okay what the heck... i'll let you guys know. i tell myself to stop watching porn, stop jerking off, and go to the gym and work out. go do this and go do that. those type of things. nothing earth shattering.

got this girls number. i talk to myself while looking in the mirror and wonder... what to do... what to do...

oh yea, i met this girl and church and while back. i think i'm in love. i say that a lot though. so i'll see everybody later. have a happy valentines day. i love you. you are a very sexy humaniod.

jan 11 2007

So I was at the bar yesterday and a girl drops a glass and breaks it. Me and my group of friends begin to barrage her with a constant outpouring of ridiculous insulting comments, my personal favorite one being “go back to Canada”, which was said by yours truly. This girl was seriously angry or just horny because she gave me this strange look that said “are you fucking with me? because it makes me hot that you are fucking with me but I'm going to fake like I'm being angry when you say stupid shit like that to me”. We hold eye contact for a good 5 seconds but I don't back down. White women like that don't scare me with their extended stares any more. I figure the whole ordeal is over but then she comes over and tells her friends that I am a big asshole and have caused her great grief. I happen to be sitting right around her when she is going off on me but she has the decency to have me join the conversation. Since we are at The Kells and are enjoying our consumption of $1 beers out of plastic cups, I instantly know that she is a classy lady because she is drinking out of glassware. I point that out to her group and to her in a sarcastic tone that she is ONE classy lady. She doesn't take it very well and I tell her “alright, I buy you a one dollar beer... because you are worth it”. Apparently this comment did not make her happy either and she asks why I would tell her to go back to Canada. She also asks if I am from Canada because I'm wearing a Roots T-shirt. Obviously Roots is a Canadian company but I can't let her win. I make up bullshit that Roots is an American established country and its clothing is called roots because of its American roots. I think she likes the game so she points out her best friends dad owns the Roots company. Now I don't know who is more full of shit. Your best friends dad owns Roots or Roots is an American company. I fail to call her out on it. She then tells me that her boyfriend is 6 foot 4 and he will kick my ass. I don't know why I say this but I tell her to “bring it on”. I figure that she was bull shitting me about having a best friends dad who owns the Roots company, maybe she is bullshitting about having a 6 foot 4 boyfriend. Well. Apparently she wasn't lying. But on a side note, it's a good thing that he was tall and lanky. So I'm smoking a cigarette outside and she comes out with her walking tree of a boyfriend. Believe me, I'm kinda scared because I don't like fighting and this guy might come fight me. It is a good thing I know the art of punching people in the balls and stomping on faces. I learned it on the playground when I was 5. I was taking down clowns twice my size when I was a young boy. She keeps egging him on to come kick my ass but I think that he thinks I must know kung-fu or something. I mean, why else would a 5 foot 4 Asian man fuck with a girl who said she had a 6 foot 4 boyfriend. Must be fucking kung-fu. So the big guy pussies out and walks away. I still think this girl has the hots for me. She kept giving me funny looks all night. But they were flirtatious looks. I think if I pounded her boyfriends ass she would have been mine. So my next new years resolution goal is to LEARN KUNG-FU. HIYA fellas. Karate chopping to the new motherfucking year baby.

jan 10 2007

So I am addicted to xanga and getting eprops. who knew that something so stupid could entertain me. it's all about power to me. like i want to get more and more of something so irrelevant. I want to know that someone in the world has read what i had to say and has validated me through a comment or something. a message of their presence. it's dumb and stupid.

And the world will keep on turning. and that's what i think. I think i have to earn more money. eat more food. and go to california. that is what is on my mind right now. i don't know why i want to go. okay i do know. i want to go because of the california dreams i have there. nice weather. nice girls. beautiful women. beautiful women. i just want hotties. i don't know why i have this obsession with hot women. i just have it. and i have this hunger inside to do them. like it would validate my life. that it would mean something to me. to make people envious of me would bring me some type of great joy. why is that? it is that deep inside satisfaction of knowing one thing that i am better than you are. how stupid and trite. but if you are a hot girl all you would mean to me would be another number on a list of women i need to devour. so trite and meaningless. but yet providing meaning and direction for me.

like i think about my other options. like being a good christian and attempting to convert more people. to battle peoples minds for the sake of god. and i don't feel like doing it. i feel no motivation to do it. it's not that i don't care but i think it is because i don't want to offend people. all this talk about being myself and i'm most scared to tell people about my thoughts about god. i think it's because i've asked people do they mind and they say yes i do mind and i stop. people mind because they hate it when you preach to them. i probably preach and come off as i'm better than you type of attitude. it is almost instinctual. i want god. god god god.

reading a book called norwegian wood. it's by some japanese author. it's pretty good. it has some weird parts to it. i want to read 100 books this year. more than 100. i want to read 400. i have no idea how i'm going to do that. i want to soak up the worlds knowledge and then be superman because i have all this head knowledge. like all this thing in my brain but not knowing how to use it. like a midget with a 100 pound club. like i need to get stronger so i can beat people up with my club. i have no idea where this is going.

so i work at the macaroni grill and it is surprising to know that 80% of my male co-workers are homosexual. fucking strange. but then i've heard that most people in the service industry that are male are gay. WHAT THE FUCK? i always find myself in these gay situations. maybe my thirst for hot women is only to bypass the fact that i am really a flaming homo inside. i doubt it though. this is the ultimate gay test. if you have gay porn and you don't get an erection than you are not gay. if you get one and get turned on than you are a big homo. one of my friends told me about this test and how it was used in a fraternity to find out which pledges were gay. funny test. so yes, i get hard when i think of hot women, not guys. like i could stare at a guys butt and think, wow, that's a nice ass but not get hard. i would only be admiring a nice ass. but when i stare at a womens ass i would think wow, that's a nice ass and i'd like to put my woo woo in her ha ha. whatever that means...

oh yes, what would 2007 without having any goals. so here is a list of them. go to california for a couple of months. eat crazy shit. make more and more money. read more and more bible. find a steady girlfriend. do hotties. become more and more comfortable in my own skin. read more books and pray to the almighty god of the universe. i think i want to eat a night crawler. like those guys on the tv show guiness book of world records. that would be interesting. or a live octopus. like on this video i saw on livedigital.com. that's about it. i'm done and i have to go do something more and more productive than write in my web journal spitting out useless bullshit. no more stories. no more fun. see you later world. see you later.

oh more goals to accomplish. work out and get a rock hard body with more muscles on it. read 400 books. get a big brain. get huge. and practice this strange penis enlarging technique i read about somewhere that is suppose to make your cock 5 inches bigger. i hope that my rod doesn't fall off because of it.

which brings me to this strange dream i had the other night. it was of this big fat women with huge knockers. and i made love to her. i felt so disgusted with myself afterwards. no, actually i enjoyed it during the time. like i was horny or something. and then i woke up. the girl i did it with had the name of one of my co-workers but was not my co-worker. it was somebody from my past with the same name. so my co-worker is pretty hot and the person of my past is a fat ass. i think i dreamed about the name and then accidentally had a dream about the wrong person. oh well.

weekend was fun. went to foxwoods with my friends and did not gamble. something about gambling i don't like. i feel like it is too much based on chance. there is a way to win but it's like a computer program. you just have to know what you are doing. become a pro gambler? maybe in another life time. which brings me to the book bringing down the house.

it's this book about these people who go off and figure out a system to always win at a card game. they make tons and tons of money off their venture at the expense of some casinos. they are baned from certain places and their faces are known. and that's the story. sound pretty cool though. like all you have to do is find a loophole and beat the system and you will be rich. money is always made at the expense of another individual.

maxtor hard drive. and i'm done. farewell and have a nice day.

jan 8 2007

I just finished reading the book The Game and it has dawned upon me that I don't know myself anymore and I might have been chasing something that I might not want at the end.

Let me recap. For the last two years I have been spending my time learning self-help material and pick-up girls material. It has taught me everything from body language, social communication to many other skills in my life. I do feel like a better person. Like I have improved a lot. I think I walk and talk with more confidence these days. I don't back down from people and am less afraid to voice my opinions. These are all positive things. But I think the deep root of all my movement towards improving myself is to prove something to the world. That I am somebody and that I am great. But when I really think about it who really cares about how great I am? Pretty much nobody. Do you care how much money your neighbor makes? Just because somebody has more money than you does it make him better than you.

I think back to this story in the bible that was explained by a pastor once. He said that there was a man walking down the street. He was called gold finger because his hand was glistening with nice jewelry. People respected gold finger because he had the gold. Then there was a bum walking down the street. people did not respect him because he was a walking piece of shit. When the two entered into the church gold finger got the royal treatment while walking piece of shit got no attention. And here is where god tells us that both men are equal and we are heathens for treating gold finger better than the bum. That nothing separates and we all need more in our lives. I would go into some type of preaching but I don't want bother people with it. The moral is to treat both gold finger and the bum the same. They are not different though on the outside it may appear that way.

So anyways, I've been trying to change myself into this master player or pimp. I think this stems from getting hurt by girls when I was younger. To be honest, I've never had a girlfriend before. I'm age 23 and thats strange for me. I probably just haven't found the right girl. But I have fallen in love before and been dumped. And that really hurts. Nothing hurts worse than getting dumped. It makes you feel inferior. I remember the first time I ever felt that pain of not getting something that you want.

This story takes me back to my high school years and a jr. prom. Let's just say I did not go to the prom with the girl of my dreams at the time. I went with a perfectly attractive women yet I could not even see that. Love is such a funny and blinding thing. You cannot see the beauty that is in front of you but yearn for something you do not have. I guess it is like anything in the world that you want but do not have. It drives you nuts and you will do anything to get a Wii because you want one and you cannot have one. So you will wait in line for 2 days to get it. So things of value take time to acquire. If it was easy to get than people would not respect it. Maybe that is why Christianity is so undervalued. God is offering you eternal life for free and all you have to do is believe that Jesus died for you on a cross. It seems so fucking elementary. If you do A then you get B. But since it is so easy to do it is undervalued. Like jumping through countless hoops in life of getting more money, buying nicer things, and eating better and getting into better shape are highly valued because these things are hard to get. But not Christianity or religion. Any tom, dick, or mary can get it freely anytime they want it.

Another time I got my heart broken was in college. I met this girl freshman year and I think she was the exact polar opposite from me. Its so silly of me. I told her I loved her because I read it in a Maxim magazine. One time in Maxim magazine it said that you should say you love somebody after doing them a couple of times. So i said it. But i think I really meant it. Like I really loved her. Something strange happens when you do somebody. Like you are really connected to them. And i don't think i was ready for it. It emotionally consumed my mind and I was left in a super funk. So that is story number two of my messed up love life. I think it was true love. But when i think of true love i think of the movie the princess bride. It is strange how you want things to end up just like the movies. I want happily ever after. I really want it. Where is it? I also realize that happily ever after probably takes a crap load of work. Am I ready for it? Maybe. I think I am... soon.

Some other girls broke my heart in college. I think I have this fragmented heart. And I've probably spent the last two years trying to put it back together. I think I have. I think I've found myself and am comfortable. I think I got the Elmer's glue for that heart of mine and I feel funny yet whole again. I can't help smile while I write that last sentence.

So I look around me and think that for this new year I'm going to focus on pouring more of my efforts into God. I really believe in this God stuff. I think it is real. I do not know why but I believe it.

When I was a kid I had this bible that had pictures in it. My mom wrote in the first page a bible verse. I still remember it. Well I remember the gist of it. It goes something like this

Some trust in chariots, some trust in horses, but i truth in the name of the Lord.

I would translate it into modern times as

Some trust in Bling, some believe in money, women and booze, but I like God and I think he is cool. I will do the right thing and trust in this thing that you cannot see, smell, hear or taste. Am I crazy? I do not know but I trust in it. It is like intuition and dreams. Some how you know that something is talking to you but it can not just say it outright. So it tells you in another way.

Well this is my long irrelevant post. I hope you enjoyed reading it. I am sure you were at work with nothing better to do than check xanga. It is okay. I like reading xanga too. It is a fun hobby to write a real thought. What better is the truth and honesty.

jan 3 2007

I stare at the menu with it's plethora of choices on it. I think to myself... life is a lot like a menu at a restaurant. You have so many dishes to choose from and sometimes you get paralysis analyzing what to eat. Does it really matter what the fuck you eat? Like will one flavor of deliciousness be more tasty than the other flavor. Will one bite of this dish change your fucking life? Who knows, it could. Like when a meatball goes into your mouth and it has those special seasonings because of a secret recipe that only Grandma Moses could come up with is put in your mouth, you feel like you've been let into another world. You feel like you've been given a special opportunity to experience something in life that no one else has ever had the fortune to taste. You've been given magical in your mouth. So I think back to the menu and my selection of women in the past. I think, I've had some okay dishes, some semi-tasty ones, and some real bad apples. And why would I eat a bad apple? To prevent you from eating and to let you know to not eat bad apples. How could one appreciate a tasty fresh apple without eating a bad one to start with. So life has it's dynamic push and pulls. It's the variation in it that keeps it entertaining. What apple to eat next? That is the question. I'm not really super hungry right now but I will be. You want to eat but not eat to excess. Why get so full and be unable to function. You want it just right. Like 70-80% full so you still have some room for desert. GOD I LOVE DESERT. Something about sweets after salty dishes just puts things into a roundabout perfection. It is heaven on earth. And that's it for me today. just a thought. Something in my mind. A writing to practice writing. Enjoy the new years to all. Cheers my friends. Cheers.