more xanga post from the past

dec 28 2006

So what's been going on in the life of blank. Well I was working at Lotus Flower selling chinese food on Christmas eve and Christmas. Yes, it's true. Chinese people have no souls and we serve food on Christmas. It's called a Jewish Christmas that we cater towards. Jewish people and other heathens come out in hoards to eat Chinese food and watch movies at theaters because there is nothing else to do. It's quite a busy day because most American restaurants are closed on Christmas and close early on Christmas eve.

My friends from California came back and we had a bru ha ha. That involves getting together and passing a peace pipe while engaging in non-sense conversations of the past and present. It's rather quite entertaining and fun. I enjoyed it. It was followed up by a late night ihop run at 12:00 AM which lasted until 2:00 AM. Thank God for late night ihop. What would the world be without IHOP.

Other than that I've been studying for this test at the Crackaroni Grill. I have to memorize 50 fucking items on the menu and what's in each item. I actually failed the first test and felt rather embarrassed. I mean, I am a college educated individual and people who work there are either going to college or uneducated baboons. And I couldn't pass the test that they passed. That means I am worse that an uneducated baboon. It pretty much puts me on the level of horse shit. yes, I'm horse shit... God help me please!

Been reading books recently. Last book I have been reading is Sex, Drugs, and coco puffs. It is a fascinating book and I really enjoy it. I'm about 55% through it and I've enjoyed 80% of it. I feel smarter when I read books. But let's not forget that I am not smart. I am horse shit as mentioned above.

Got the new NAS cd. I actually bought a CD. This was influenced by my friend E wong. E Wong believes that if you don't buy CD's then rap superstars can't become millionaires... or that's the philosophy in a nutshell. So support your artists and make them rich. But NAS is already rich. Yea, I know, but it's about letting someone know that the work they produced was worthy of your money. I'm going to stop trying to steal and download all my music for... actually I am paranoid as to if police or other people read this stuff so I am not going to say what I do with music. I'll rephrase the sentence. I listen to music for free over myspace because that's something legal you can do. Then based on my listening, I go out and buy a cd. I don't do that shit. I usually download shit for free.

The world is a great place. Did you know the Internet was created by people who wanted to pass around naked pictures of other people. Yes, the Internet was created by porno addicts. It's amazing yet true. Why else would people work so hard to make the Internet work.

And tomorrow is another day. I wonder what it has in store for me. Read your bibles and pray. I'm going to bed. Later world.

dec 23 2006

It's 6 AM and i've puked twice and just realized i had the best fucking night of my life last night.

Okay most of that sentence is true but the best fucking night of my life part is probably false. I would say the best night was one of those nights when i was with a beautiful lady doing the nasty nast. But yesterday was pretty darn good. i've come to the realization that i love white girls and i love white people. I think that only in america does a chinaman like myself get a chance to talk to so many hot white women. like if i was in china i would be desperately lacking the shear number of white girls to approach and attempt to make whoopie with.

So i get off of work at around 10:00. I'm pretty tired since i've been running around like a monkey at the restaurant. serving people is no easy job but it pays me pretty decently. like after a night of service i have $75 in my pocket. That's alright but when a hooker or topless dancer services you, they end the night with like $1000 in their pockets. oh well. maybe i'll learn how to dance on the poll one day but until then i'll stick with my profession.

i've been gloriously invited to this crazy party at one of my high school friends place. thank god for facebook or else i would have never known about it. i show up with one of my friends and the second we get into the party i realize that i'm under dressed and hungry for beer. i'm wearing a white tee shirt and black pants with chuck tailors. most of the other people are in shirt and tie or some sexy, classy evening dress. man the girls are looking really nice at my friends party. I thank god that i'm alive.

you ever go to your high school reunion just to check out all the girls you wanted to do in high school? well that's why i go and wow, these girls in high school are mostly still hot. it's freaking amazing how people from good environments and homes manage to stay as relatively good people and well kept. man, coming from a rich, white, suburban town is freaking awesome. my parents made the right move to send my ass to the high school i went to just so i could meet rich white people. my parents are god damn geniuses and i'm real thankful for them.

so i get over the fact that i'm under dressed by quickly consuming some alcohol. nothing makes you forget your problems like booze. i think that's why god invented booze... for me to forget about existing for one moment and just realize what's good and fun in life. when your boozing you realize that laughing, enjoying the company of good people, and not thinking that much is what makes life great. too much thought ruins the fun factor. do you think hanging out with stephen hawking's makes for a fun night? probably not. I would rather take my chances with a couple strippers and a wad of dollar bills.

I start saying hi to people from my high school and i realize that i know a lot of people at this party. that makes me feel good. i guess in high school i had made friends with pretty much everybody... except for hot girls. I was always on a quest to know as many people as possible because some how i believed that it would make me cool and give me lots of power. I'm only 5 foot 4 so you have to make up for your height by being a social beast. it's true, whatever you lack in life you have to make up for with something else. you have to turn your lemons into lemonade. i think being an Asian American was probably one of the hardest things for me in high school. i didn't know if other people would accept me based on the color of my skin. like i know it's 15 times harder being black but being Asian is pretty hard too. as an Asian we get pigeon holed into these categories of being nerds who are good at math. damn, that's the best god damn stereotypes i've ever heard of. Like black people get all the negative stereotypes like they are all lazy and enjoy eating fried chicken. I like fried chicken too but i guess a negative stereotype that asains have received is that we eat dogs... but it's true though. i've never eaten fido in my life but I sure remember my uncle telling me how good he tasted.

pretty much after a couple hours I've managed to throw beer, wine and hard liquor into my system. i really don't feel well but i manage to drive a car half intoxicated, half way back to the wonderful town of Lexington. i can't make it so my wonderful friend who i came with finishes off the drive. he let's me crash at his place and sets up blankets for me. i think our relationship has deepened because he honestly had my back when i was about to die. you know you have a friend in the world when they let you sleep on the couch and you puke 2 times and they still love you. yes, i have a friend in the world and I am very thankful. It's good that i drank so much water during the night. I magically found a brita filter in the fridge at this party and drank lots of water.

I wake up at 6:00 am and drive home. it's quite the fucking night i must say. i had to document it in my journal and this is only half of the stories to be told of the wonderful holiday party i attended in 2006.

oh yea, i have 4 tits btw if people from the last entry were wondering.

december 20 2006

Baffling but true!

I'm reading this book and it says that if your header sucks then people won't read your shit. That amazes me but makes sense. It's all about the header. Like getting head. You just have to get the job done and get people in the door and the rest of the story will take care of itself.

I just thought of another header that has made millions read his stupid shit. Think about this header.

Ripley's BELIEVE IT OR NOT!

then you have some story of this guy with four penises or a lady with 4 tits. I have one of the two things just mentioned. BELIEVE IT OR NOT. Take a guess and i'll reveal that in my next xanga. Maybe with pictures.

So i joined a church blog ring and it was hard at first to be as honest as i can be but i've come to realize that people probably arn't reading my stuff and two, i'm fine with who i am as a person and make no apologies about it. I only have one person to say sorry to and that's Jesus. All other people get my middle finger or a "i'll do better next time".

some people who says i have inspired them have inspired me. when i read xanga i realize that this is what i want xanga to be all about. You don't have to make me laugh all of the time when i read your shit but i want you to be honest so that i can read something that comes from the heart. I want to read a thought or a kernal of your truth so that i can add to my own understanding. I want to read your genius in writing so that i can steal it and put it in my own stuff. i don't want to keep on plugging other peoples shit but i also enjoy this guys xanga site

so that's about it. i'm working at the crackaroni grill in burlington as a waiter. i'm on my way towards owning my own joint one day and i'm feeling pretty good these days. well, i guess i'll entertain you with stories another day. it's almost christmas. that time of year to spend all your money of gifts for people you don't like and getting people things they don't need. Don't you just love it? i give people hugs. that's because i'm a cheap ass. want a hug? if your cute i promise to grab your butt. that goes for guys and girls.

PIECE! <-stolen from the thugpoet.

dec 17 2006

That which is bullshit

So i write these blogs or whatever you may call them and people read them or I assume they read them. Then they leave no comments. I think that's fucked up. Like i recently joined this church blog ring and i assume people from the blog ring come to read my site because xanga has this option called footprints which tells you who has come to your site and then they mysteriously leave no comments.

I would love for one of those church people to call me a heathen, to call me a piece of garbage or to just say "blank, you are a sick, perverted piece of shit". any of those things would be great. I would also love for this guy who i grew up with who has now become a pastor to write a word or two. Wouldn't that be a nice thing to do. To get a so-called Pastor's perspective on what i think. I would sure appreciate it.

I think the world is too full of appearances. Like everyone is trying to be cool or trying not to offend anyone. It really makes me sick to my stomach. Why can't people just be honest with one another. The world would be a better place if there was some more honesty. I guess honesty is just too brutal for some people to handle. They like living in their bullshit routine worlds where they go to their job, go home, eat some dinner, watch some tv, go to sleep, and do it all again. Is that how you live? Isn't it fucking sickening? Don't you want more out of life?

I'm no saint and i'm not a good person. I'm probably the most evil and twisted person you might meet in a lifetime. But at least i'm honest. Or i try to be honest. I contemplated lying to people and going back to being not myself but why do that? Why show others something which is false. Eventually you will figure out who i am, why not know me in the first 60 seconds. If you don't know me i'm a sex crazed, money hungry, selfish, lazy person who only wants the best for myself and i'm kinda an elitist too. Yes, i walk around at times thinking i'm better than others. And that's who i am. I've come to accept it and i want to change parts of it. I want to be a more loving person. Love the homeless and love those who nobody cares about. It's something i'm working on. I'm a working progress.

So, that's about it. I wish you all merry holidays. Enjoy life and live it. Live courageously. Helen Keller once said "life is a daring adventure or nothing". Think about that and chew on it. You might just dare a little bit more.

Later nukkas. I saw someone else use that word nukka and i'm going to use it here. I'm daring to be different. I dare. By the way, what is a nukka? please inform me. i think it means nigga but saying it in a different way.

dec 14 2006

So we go out to the kell's again on wednesday night. I'm kinda bored of the place but they serve $1 beers. How can you complain. So i'm talking about anal sex with these other guys and this one girl gives me a nasty look like i'm some sick demented fucking perv. I call her out on it and say "hey, don't give me that look, i'm not some sick dirty perv just because i talk about anal sex". She tries to play it off and says that i'm gay because i'm wearing a blue shirt. I decide to play along and i ask her super hot friend for an opinion. Her hot friend says I take it in the ass because i wear a light blue shirt as well. That's it. I am not letting this fucking hot as bitch take control of the situation. I blow up on her. I say you girls are the type of girls who would take it in the ass from a guy who wears a light blue shirt. Then i start humping the air like a mad man who just got paid. They think i'm crazy and call me a "fudge packer".

I say "turn around, let me see it from the back side you sluts, oh yea, that's the way you like to be taken. Let me see your hair you dirty whore". Let me set up the situation for you. These girls are with this guy who has big muscles. My friend Admin says that guys with big muscles have a small wee wee. He is obviously right because i'm talking so much shit to these girls and they say nothing. HAHAHA. Fuck you bitches. These girls are so fucked up in the head. They don't know if they should turn around and face me or show me their backs and let me continue to say that i will take them from the behind. The are fucking confused , trying to get their body posture right to say the right message which is fuck off asshole. HAHA, i win bitches. The big muscle man does nothing. I continue to rant on them by saying "i'd love to have you in pig tails and ride you from the back you dirty slut". Still no response from muscle man. She says some shit about not understanding me and i go into a chinese accent. I say "you don't understand the words coming out of my mouth?" in a chinese accent. Like i'm fucking jacky chan. This hot ass girl is speechless. I've fucking dominated a white girl and i love it. Especially a hot one. I've given her come backs and taken away her power. I feel like the fucking man. And i didn't get my ass pounded. Nothing beats it.

Other things happened that night but fuck it. It's another story for another day. All i can say is i'm proud to be an asian man shitting on white girls. Ain't nothing better than that. Don't judge me by the color of my skin bitches. Watch out for fucking

dec 12 2006

I'm watching gray's anatomy and i'm on the verge of crying. Then i think that i'm in my room by myself and I say fuck it. I'm going to cry cause nobody is going to see it. So i ball my eyes out. Another scene comes on and i fucking ball my eyes out again. What the fuck is wrong with me. A grown man fucking crying. I feel like such a pussy.

I listen to this Maria Carey song called fly like a bird and i start crying again. I'm really fucked up. Something inside of me is not emotionally right inside.

I remember when i was on my health diet and reading this book about acne. The book said that while on the diet, i would feel the release of emotions and cry for no reason at times. Crying signified a release of toxins and bad things inside of my body. So i cry, i breathe so fucking deeply. Like i've never breathed before. My chest is fucking hurting when i'm breathing. I feel like i can do anything. I feel like a burden has been lifted from me.

So i was watching this show called nip/tuck and i know what's going to happen at the end without even seeing the end of the show. I remember back to this time when i had a great friend and he told me that he wanted the ability to see 100 steps into the future. Fuck, i think i'm getting that gift. Like i can predict the future and shape in in whatever way i see fit. I feel like God in a way except i know that the gift i've received is from the one above. To he who has been given much, much will be expected. I always think about these words and think, the expectations on my life are fucking high. Higher than the sky, higher than the tallest building. The expectations are those destined to the life of a chosen one from above. But it's nothing special. Anyone can find favor with the one from above. Anyone can be God's favorite. You just have to listen to God and pray to him, read some bible and suck his dick. Like if God had a penis you would have to suck it. That's what God would want. To get what you want you just have to give some head sometimes. And i'm willing to do it. I'm willing to suck some of God's dick.

I had a thought a while back that you have to suck someones dick in life. You can either suck satan's dick and find temporary moments of happiness but ultimately a shitty and lost life or you can suck the dick's of Jesus christ, god, and the holy spirit. Like you have to pick one. I was sick of sucking satan's dick. Sick of trying to get all this material bullshit that was suppose to bring me happiness but never got me anywhere but wanting more. And i gave up. I wanted to suck some new dick, God's dick. And i can try to say that if you take away all that i have, leave me naked, leave me with nothing, i will still have more than you have, because i have God and forgiveness. And this sounds stupid but it's what i believe. This life is temporary, you will die one day. You can choose to have that which is eternal. A life beyond life itself. This life will end and it will end fast. Being out of college for 1 year you see how fast time moves. Choose life forever instead of the temporary life. I might be a prophet, i might be something more. But i'm just human, an instrument to show god's will and way. Hate me if you will. Hate my religion. Hate my belief. But i cannot stay quiet no more. I am unafraid of your opinions. We are all free to have opinions and this is what i think. Accept it and join in the conversation. I'll do my best to listen.

Sorry for the semi-serious entry. When you cry you can only be serious. But yea, i was a big time pussy this afternoon. I'll do better to be a so-called man.

dec 13 2006

I was driving my car under the influence last night and testing it's performance. I was going down this very narrow street at 80 MPH and it dawns on me. What the fuck am i doing? I brake and my cars starts to swerve out of fucking control. I tap that brake and it moves left and i turn right and the car counter balances. The care comes to a halt and then I think... THANK YOU FUCKING GOD... I am still alive. It's freaking amazing. I was suppose to die last night. I think i've tested the limits of life. I feel so alive after facing death but it was so stupid. Why the fuck was i driving drunk? What was I doing? I'm so dumb. I could have died. It was scary.

Last night after work i called my friends and they were “tired”. What a boring fucking excuse for monday night. Monday's were made for parties. Boston blows because not enough people drink on a monday. Or do they? Me and my cool friend set out to find out what goes on in the bump of the night on monday. I get to his place and we begin our night by watching a massive amount of youtube. This shit is addicting. You can type in anything and a video will come up on it. I am particularly in interested in watching steve irwin's death video. Something about seeing someone die interests me. When you see that which is life leave someones soul you value that which you have and view it as more precious. Plus i'm just twisted and demented like that. I once had this english teacher who said that every person should see the birth of a baby live and the death of a man. It puts things in perspective on the preciousness and uniqueness of life. All to often we are hustling and bustling and doing our shitty jobs and we don't realize how fucking fortunate we are to live on this planet. Okay, i'll get off the soap box. Anyways... my friend types in the word funny indian music video. Some crazy ishboo shit comes on and we start laughing hysterically. Ishboo is my created derogatory term for indian people. I don't hate indian people. I just like the word ishboo. It sounds indian to me. Okay... i'm being a racist. I'm going to find the video on youtube just so you can share a moment with me and laugh just like me and my friends did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H0Yi4AjQCw

so go laugh your fucking head off. So we go out to this local bar in the area. Me and him are all about exploration tonight or else i would have called up some bitches to join with us in the festivities. So the bar is called soho. It's a nice looking place and we drive by and see 3 girls inside all alone. What are three girls doing out on a monday night? I'm thinking at least one of them has got to be horny. But now looking back on the situation one of them has probably had a hard day and just needs to abuse some alcohol. That's what they told us when we talked to them. We did the cigarette route. They went for a smoke then we went for a smoke and talked to them.

On smoking. I hate fucking smoking but it is so easy to talk to girls when you are smoking a cig. That's the only reason i do it. Plus i like weed. I like that head spinning i can do anything feeling. But have you ever seen those commercials of people under the influence of weed and then crashing a car. That shits bullshit... okay it's not. When i smoke weed and go driving i am so fucking paranoid. Especially at night. It freaks the fuck out of me. I feel like their are monsters in the trees and shadows. It's very scary. I've never had sex on weed but i can only imagine that it's like sex on another level because i've jerked off once when i was under the influence of weed and it was 10 times better than regular jerking off. And then i passed out immediately afterwards. It's like you can close your eyes under the influence and imagine anything in the world and your visualization skills are on another level. I bet i could build and conceptualize the brooklyn bridge under the influence. And that's the type of bullshit that comes out of your mouth when you are high.

So we leave soho because the drink are expensive. They arn't super expensive. We buy 4 drinks for $20 bucks. The problem is you can buy 20 drinks for $20 at the avenue. I say it's bad logic to stay here because to get shit faced here is not worth it. I'm no yuppy and i want to spend my dollars getting seriously hammered for as little as possible. We head to the avenue.

Oh shit, we are at the avenue and there are a lot of dudes here. It is a serious cockfest in there but hey, what man would be attracted to $1 beers. We get another two drinks here while eying the waitress here. She is smoking hot. Cockfest with smoking hot waitress. Man it's hard being a guy sometimes. Funny moment of the night. I'm going to the bathroom and the waitress is cleaning tables. This guy comes into the room she is cleaning tables at and says “you need a hand with that”. What the fuck type of line is that? That's like saying “do you need some cock? I'm so fucking horny and you are so hot. I'll do anything for you”. Such fucking loser behavior but i've guilty of doing it in the past. Man, was i a dumbass in my youth. I try to be smarter these days.

After they close at 1:00 we go to another bar called our place. This place is pretty cool. We get this beer called burkake. It sounds like bukake to me. That's the japanese term for guys who circle around a girl and all unload their seed on her. Yea, pretty crazy stuff. Guys will watch the strangest fucking porno movies. If you think about it there are so many weird porno's out there. My personal all time favorite porn is called Shades of Lust.

Shades of Lust

This porn is about these young entrepreneurs who try to sell these sun glasses in an apartments complex. But these are no ordinary sun glasses that you get at the sun glass hut. These are SHADES OF LUST. Every time you put on the glasses and look at a girl she wants to bang you. So they try to sell these lenses to these guys in the complex but they think the young entrepreneurs are full of shit. Until the young studs prove that the glasses work when they knock on some random girls door, get rejected, and then put on the lenses, and then bang the shit of the chicks. It's so freaking awesome. I'm in love with this video. So the guys are convinced that buying these SHADES OF LUST will allow them to bang any chick. They pay $500 for them and walk home gleefully, waiting to bang their next victim.

The young entrepreneurs then giggle with joy as they walk away. They have tricked these silly losers into believing that if they wear the glasses they will get pussy. It was a scam because the two entrepreneurs have paid the chick they banged to have sex with them. They make out like bandits.

What a fucking movie. How can a porn have so much fucking storyline. It's unbelievable.

Anyways, we go to this bar and it's really hip. They have so many seats and couches to sit down at. We see this girl reading a book in the bar. So fucking strange so we go hit on her. She is loving it. We make fun of her and shit. I get her number. I don't know. She's not that attractive but i need an entourage of women following me and my friends around. That we we will become God's. It's always important to BYOB also known as BRING YOUR OWN BITCHES. It's so hard to go out and hit on girls. If you have bitches with you when you roll in you are the fucking man. Girls will come to you if you have one on each arm. So it's essential to BYOB. I drive home and stop at Mcdonald's. I eat two 10 piece chicken Mcnuggests alone. I feel like I am a big loser. But then i think about how tasty all that chicken is. I go home and go to sleep and almost get into that car crash i wrote about earlier. It's quite the fucking night. It's only FUCKING MONDAY! I've made the most of it. While you were at home twiddling your thumbs and jerking off i went out and tried to live. I'm so sick of fucking computers and sitting around and watching tv. That shit is so boring. I want more. I want to feel raw emotions and be around people. I want a good time. I want to show you a good time. I want us to all be in happy land. So join me in the fight for joy. Good day world. We will have fun another day.

dec 10 2006

Oh no, attack of the boring. I've become boring and now i can't post on xanga anymore. I don't know what to say. After a barrage of shit and fart jokes and a lot of comments about my sexual mind i don't think i have any more fluid to give people an interesting post. I'm like a man who just had an orgasm, all i want to do is go to sleep now. Good night xanga. I'll be back another day to play. spent? Yes, it does happen. Even horny men need rest every once and a while. Sorry world. I'll be rock hard soon. I promise not to be flaccid.

dec 7 2006

So last night was fun. I went to a bar in boston called Kells. I like the history of the bar. They used to be an irish pub but then they transformed themselves a couple years back and started doing asian cuisine. I was interested in going because i love chinese food.

So we get there and my friends have not showed up yet. I'm use to being out alone but i did give him a call to ask when the fuck he would get there. Shitty things about going out alone. You feel like a loser because you have no friends. How i combat this problem. I accept that i'm a loser and that i'm a piece of shit when i'm out alone. I stare at girls to keep my mind off of things. So I enter into the big dance floor and it's empty. Go figure... it's only 11:00. For some reason the party don't start until 12:00. That makes sense. I feel like such an amateur showing up at 11:00 PM to a bar. It's like those freshman in college that always show up to a party on time. Like you tell them the party starts at 10:00 and 10:00 rolls around and those fucking freshman show up right on fucking time. It's funny but very respectful in a way. It seems that the cool people arrive fashionable late.

So anyways. I'm on the dance floor on this platform watching this two mexicana chicas dancing. I have a theory that how a girl dances is how she will be in the sack. I watch this white girl dancing all crazy so i call her over. I ask for her to do a cart wheel for me. She politely refuses. What a classy lady i'm thinking. So back to these mexicana chicas. I'm giving the little one the eye. You don't know what the eye is? It's actually called the skanky eye. It's when you look at a girl for the pure enjoyment of checking out her body and when she looks at you in the eye with disgust you give her a devilish grin to let her know that you are staring at her and you will continue to stare at her because you are thinking naughty thoughts inside. So this girl is loving my skanky eye action. She is dancing all crazy and i'm staying my place giving her a dose of skanky eye and she comes over and starts dancing for me. I'm impressed by my abilities that i was able to draw her over, have her look me in the eye and smile at me all because i skanky eyed her. It's freaking great. My friends come over and i ditch the chica. Why would i leave the lady you might ask? Cause she wasn't pretty enough. She was about a 5 in my book and alan only does 7's unless he's drunk. Then he does warhogs.

More happened that night but i'm kinda lazy right now. Maybe i'll write the rest of the story later. It deals with social dynamics and how one girl was calling this other girl a slut who couldn't close her legs because she has been out of a 2 and a ½ year relationship. I love a rebound girl. Why do girls have to be so judgmental of each other. If a girl will open her legs for a man that's a beautiful thing. Why all the hussy fussy. It's too bad my friend ended up getting no play. We got the girl about 10 feet from the car and she backed out. It's scary doing a random guy you just met. It's hard being a girl. I'll write an entry on that in the future. On the difficulties of being a women. Being a man is just so awesome. Any guy who has peed in an ally will contest to this statement.

Cool!!! I gotta boost my xanga rating. No blannk, stop being gay. Just do it for yourself. Never write for others. Be True to you. Okay, i have to get my tires changed today. Going to costco to do that. Get my printer to work. I'm addicted to the comments and people writing and reading my xanga. It gives me a high to know that other people spent the time to read something i had to say. I get a huge hard on when that happens. I kinda want to buy the book hardcore now. It looks so freaking awesome. Like i want to be hardcore too. That is so awesome.

For those of you who don't know who wrote the book Hardcore it was by Ronnie Colman. He is not related to Gary Colman who was a midget on the show different strokes. I might be wrong with that fact but i'm too lazy to go look it up. Ronnie Colman is Mr. Olympia. He has really big muscles and a really full butt. Like his ass is like two round cantaloupe melons. It's rather beautiful. I want an ass like that. I want people to give me a run by ass squeezing. Never heard of those? I had a friend with a real nice ass once and he claimed that one day while he was at the mall, standing around, somebody ran by, squeezed his ass and ran off. I wonder who that person was but that sounds really cool. It's like when a gay guy hits on you when you are heterosexual. You feel flattered because someone in the world loves you.

So i had my 5th year high school reunion recently. I like high school reunions. I once read somewhere to never go to the 5th year reunion. Why you might ask? Because after one year out of college not many people have made it as big shots. Like everyone is still trying to carve out a name for themselves so there is no point in going because you can't brag and tell people you are better then they are. So books have recommended going to the 10th year reunion. I have to disagree with this point though. I liked the 5 year reunion. It really shows you what has become of people. Like who's still hot and who's not anymore. Remember all those girls you wanted to do in high school but never thought you had a chance. I just realized that i still don't have a chance with them. Suck huh? Yea it really does but people in high school have such a deep impression of you that it is pretty hard to change unless you've put on a lot of muscle or have become a complete fat ass. Anyways.. I just wanted to say that i saw this Japanese girl that i had the biggest crush on in high school. OMG... She is still freaking hot. She's the type of girl i want to marry because she looks to sweet. She designs children's clothing in new york. Sounds rather trendy. I talk to her for about 2 minutes and get shot down. I feel sad but at least i tried. That's all i can say. Maybe i can do her at the 10th year reunion. I'll keep my fingers crossed.

Why i got shot down? I analyze the fuck out of every situation i come across. I do it because i want to improve myself for the next interaction with anybody. So she says, "i design clothes in new york for infants". I say "cool". And that's it. I felt like a dumbass. I should have said "cool, i have nothing to say to that. In fact, i don't care about your job. BTW, i had the hots for you in high school... and i still do. I only came to this reunion with the hopes of bumping into you so that we could make babies. Interested? I love about 20 minutes away from this bar. Come on... i guarantee it will be fun. I'm pretty good in the sack... okay, to be honest i might suck but after we do it there are no refunds." dammit, a missed moment to be honest. Those are the moments that hurt the most. The ones we miss. If only we could turn back the hands of time. I like how we can't though cause every time you win nobody can take that away from you. But the shitty thing is you have to constantly prove yourself. Like would michael jordan be great if he didn't win 6 times in a row just to show you how great he was. Like you have to set the bar so freaking high to be a legend. And in 100 years nobody will care what you did on this earth. It's sad. So i just try to worship God and prepare for the afterlife. I hear if you kiss God's ass you get to wear a crown in heaven that looks really nice. You might ever get a goblet like Lil John has. "YEAH!!!"

this is kinda two posts in one. i just write and post what others might like to read. a lot of the things i write to myself during the day are pretty useless like eat healthy, take fiber. i don't think people want to read it so i don't post it.

dec 4 2006

For my xanga fans

So people said they liked my entry to i guess i had an idea of posting a really bad sexual experience online for people to learn from and know what not to do. I love the idea that somebody can read what i wrote and then go, shit that sucks, i don't want that to happen to me or say, yea, alan, that happens to me too one time and it sure sucked.

So back in college one day i met this really beautiful lady. Okay, she wasn't really that pretty. I'm just saying that because it makes me feel better. My roommate in college actually said this girl was twice my size. Two times bigger than me. I've always loved voluptuous girls.
So we go back to her place and we are messing around. What exactly does messing around mean? It means that i got a hard on and we are making out heavily. Sometimes messing around means all sorts of things like it could mean that we are both naked under the sheets or something else. Anyways... somehow i get her panties off. That was an act of god i tell you. 1. because i had no game in college 2. because i had no game in college 3. holy shit... i got her panties off. YAY!

Anyways, we make out some more and then she says she has to go to the bathroom. She comes back and then i eat her out. But you thinking... blank that's gross... she just went to the bathroom. How can you eat that out. That's like you drank her piss. I know. But i didn't know at the time. i was so excited to be making out with a girl who had no panties on i didn't care. I didn't care until i tasted her urine. That did not taste good. Actually. I've drank my own urine. I've done it in the shower. But not like drank it. I pissed into my hand and licked it. Now that might sound gross to you but i wanted to try it out. I read about these African tribal man who drank their urine and became like superman. I've also read that the first urine of the morning is packed with vitamins and minerals. So i wanted to try it out. Yes, it sounds sick but really... yea, it doesn't taste very good and thinking about eating out this girl and her urine wasn't a great experience. So that's it. That's my story. I don't know what others have been through but my word of advice is don't eat pussy after she goes to the bathroom.

Why i ate the pussy? I was watching some porn videos once and read online or in some books that women love to get their vag eaten out. I don't know. I just wanted to show her that i was willing to do what others probably wouldn't want to do. Now i know why others don't want to do it. But i'll do it. Cause i'm a man. And i'll do whatever it takes to make somebody happy. Anything. And if eating and drinking someones pee is what it takes... GOD DAMN, I'll do it the rest of my life if i have to. It's not about me. It's all about the other person. See. I'm a god damn romantic.

Well that's my story for tonight. I hope you enjoyed it. I'll come up with something else some other day. To the lady who this story was about. I hope you never read this or... you think of me and that time we had together and think of it as magical.

To any Christian individual who reads this... yea, i'm a sinner. I know that. I think god forgives me. I don't claim to be pure. I've come to the conclusion that i am not a saint. I am an unholy piece of crap that has been forgiven. AND THANK THE LORD JESUS that i have been. Well that's it for me. Stay cool everybody. Laters.

nov 30 2006

Things I do that I don’t really want to do. I jerk off but I really don’t want to be doing that. Like I feel like such a dirty bastard when I watch porn and shit like that. Does everybody really watch porn? Like is the whole world watching porn. Imagine what people in countries without porn do? Like village people. Do they use their imagination? Wow, that sucks. Porn is so much easier. I mean how many times can you jerk off over the village hottie. I bet it gets old after a while.

So what do I have to do today? My mission is to get big. So I have to get lifted. Going to the gym and putting in my time. Why? Because I wanted to. And I Have to. Cause I paid $50 to use the place and I’m going to get my moneys worth. I’m going to use the sauna and lift some weights. Do some running. I think I’m getting bigger. I don’t know. How serious am I about this and why am I doing this? I think I’m doing it for the girls but that’s not enough. Like I should do it for better reasons. I need more reasons. I was listening to this guy called Jim Roan and he said that you don’t do things because you don’t have enough reasons, not because you don’t have enough goals. That stuck with me because I have lots of goals but not enough reasons and the goals don’t get done. Make sense? It does to me.

Well I’m off to the gym. The rest of the day will be spent at the Alan St. Condo. We are doing renovations. It should be interesting day of moving things and being a bitch. My views on being my daddys bitch. To learn you must be the bitch. Nobody starts out the master. You have to be the bitch. The fastest way to learn is from people who are masters. Don’t try to be the best without knowing what the best is. Copy the best then innovate from it. That’s my new philosophy. I stole it from David D. He’s a love doctor. I need love so I listen to my love doctors tapes and cd’s. Yea, I’m nuts.

Wow, just watched heroes. Such a good fucking show. I wonder what super powers I have. I must have some super powers. I wish I could fucking fly. That would be cool even though it sounds so generic. What if I had the power to make my dick super big. Like into the size of a baseball bat. I think that would be an admirable power. And I would swing it around and kill robbers who were trying to get away. Kinda like Mr. Frantastic from the frantastic 4 except just with my penile membrane I could do it. That’s a super power to be proud of.

My mom cooked me some broccoli this morning. I ate it with sea salt. It was good. Had some bread as well. So I can’t change the past. What ever happened will always stay as it was. All I can do is move forward into the future. I wonder about the future. I had the thought about what if the world was going to end soon. Would everything be the way I wanted it to be? I don’t think so but at least I had fun here. At least I bared my soul and another person knew who Alan Chen was. I enjoy baring my soul. I enjoy the truth. I don’t hide. I want to hide but hide no more. I’ll step up into the spotlight and be unafraid. I’m not afraid to shine. Man, that whole last couple of sentences sounded really gay. I gotta stop that gay shit.

HAHA, that is the fucking funniest shit I’ve ever read. People are breaking tv’s with their Wii controllers because they are throwing it too hard. Fucking crazy. I’m amazing and dazzled by this article.

So I eat lunch and cook some fish. I’m thinking to myself, this is the best fucking meal in the world because I’m cooking it. Like if I went to a restaurant and cooked this fish it would cost me $20 bucks but since I’m doing it in my own house it cost me like $6 bucks. That’s a lot of fish in my body. I’ve been trying to eat more fish because fish is filled with omega-3 and some other healthy shit. Make sure the fish is deep sea fish or wild caught and not farmed fish. I think the farm fish are fed crazy shit in their diet and then you eat them. I think about it like this. If you wanted to eat somebodies meat would you want to eat Brad Pitt’s meat or Bone Crushers meat. Sure, Bone Crusher has more meat on him but which meat is all fit and well exercised. This example sounds gay cause I used guys in it. Okay, would you rather eat Jennifer Anistin’s meat or Oprah’s meat. Man, I wouldn’t eat oprah’s meat. I don’t think anyone would. Unless she paid you to eat it. Then I would eat it all day long. I think that’s why Oprah is not married. She’s just not sexy. She’s strong but not sexy. I like sexy girls. I like to have sexy time. Man, that movie Borat was funny. I like that line. Having sexy time.

I’m going to go for a job interview at. Well I better not mention it to jinx myself but yea, I guess we will see what happens. Hopefully all goes well. And if not I think it’s because God has other plans for me.

So now I’m at home reading my xanga and learning that other people read it too. I think cool. I have fans. I can’t disappoint them but it’s not really for the fans. I like writing because I enjoy writing. I think it’s cool that people read what I write. I actually find great pleasure in that. I’m having an orgasm thinking about it.

Well the rest of the day went pretty good. I went to this bible study group. Well not bible study but more like a mens group. We get together and talk about or problems. I am known in the group as chronic masturbater. That’s my problem and sin. It’s like every super hero has a weakness. Superman has kryptonite. I have chronic masturbation. Like women are my weakness. Especially super hot ones that are naked. I love super hot naked women. They are my kryptonite. Don’t be alarmed if you are a super hot women, it’s not like I’m going to whip out my junk and just start jerking off. I’m a civilized man. I do it in the private of my own home with toilet paper or tissues. Like triple ply tissues from Scotts or Kleanex. I bet the inventor of Keleenex invented triple ply tissue paper not for this running nose but because he always had cum on his hands after shooting a load into his tissue paper. Triple ply tissue paper is so freaking strong. Like you could shoot two loads into it and your hands would still be dry. Also it has aloe moisterizers in it to keep you hands smooth. Freaking amazing.

I get home and I eat a turkey sandwhich. I’m under the impression that eating turkey without hormones in it is more healthy for you then eating lunchable meat packed with additives. I bought it at Trader Joes. I think I’m being a good boy and treating my body right. That makes me happy. I’m also eating a big piece of romaine lettuce with my bare hands. I feel like a barbarian in ancient times like I’ve just killed a large animal. Except I’m eating lunchable turkey and a big piece of lettuce. I guess I’m trying to be manly but I’m not really.

Oh, I showed up for my interview for the restaurant position and the interviewing guy has his day off on Thursdays. I am really fucking pissed. The bartender at this place is this tall ass asian guy. I hate him instantly because he is tall and asain. I look over and see this waitress walk by. She’s a short white girl with a tight butt. I’m excited. I’ll be back in tomorrow for an interview.

Well that’s another day in the life of blank. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I like being blank. You must wonder where I get all the time to write these entries. I love writing. I’m a writer. I was an English major in college. I write and read. That’s all I do. And work sometimes too and go shopping but I love writing. So thanks for reading. Tell your friends about me so they can step into my world and share a moment with me. That gets me excited. OH… I creamed my pants. Don’t get me too excited.

nov 29 2006

Another day in the life of blank

I wake up at 7:00 AM and think fuck I’m tired. I go back to bed. I wake up again two hours later. I’m having this dream and it’s about something but I forget what the fuck I was dreaming about. I love dreaming. It makes you feel like there is something more to life. Like you can do anything. I’m flying in one dream, jerking off a guy from my high school and doing all sorts of weird and crazy shit. Only is it really so strange and crazy shit. Okay so this dream I had a while back was I was jerking off this guy from my high school. Like he asked me to go down on him and give him a blow job but I refused. I offered my hands. I like to think of myself as a handy man then.

When I awake from that dream I asked myself, AM I A FAGGOT? I had a dream about giving another man a hand job. I must be fucking GAY. I think it denotes different things on a subconscious level. I think it means that I am not gay but that I am a very giving person. But I won’t give you everything. Like I’ll give you a hand job but not head. That type of guy.

So I go do some stuff that day like go to work. Work sucks. Actually work isn’t so bad. I go in and teach the new waitress how to get with the program. She learns the art of opening cans of pinnapples, filling a bag with tea, and serving people their food. I show her where our duck sauce is and ginger sauce. What a glorious fucking DAY! I’m out of the floor and it’s showtime. Apparently when we start the restaurant business it’s called showtime. I’m cleaning up plates, looking things over and making sure that our buffet table is running smoothly. I’m chatting with the front desk lady. She says that I’m unhealthy and in drastic need of change. Like I gotta change my diet and things like that. She recommends ISOTONIX. Sounds like funky stuff but it kills free-radicals. It’s full of antioxidives. It’s crazy shit. Like a magical potion. She then tells me that Ashanti takes it as well as Jennifer Lopez. I think to myself, hey, if those people take it, it must be good shit. I read more about it and learn that ISOTONIX is some type of crazy shit that sends all the vitamins into your bloodstream in 4 minutes. I get excited and think I can’t wait to get super healthy.

I’m at Walmart. Everytime I go into Walmart I think that the scum of the universe lives here. Like coach roaches are the people who go to Walmart. But then I think to myself, I’m in here, I must be a roach too. Man I’m a piece of shit. I buy some water. Poland springs. The reason I buy spring water is because I’m sold on the concept that spring water is better for you than tap water. Like tap water is filled with chlorine to make it clean and they did a study somewhere in god knows where and the water that came out of the tap water had more chlorine than swimming pool water. FUCKING CRAZY I think. I’m drinking spring water all the way. 64 cents a gallon. Good fucking deal and I get a whole fucking gallon. It cost $1.29 for coke and coke kills you. I remember back to Thanksgiving day and I’m talking with this guy. He says “Alan, you know coke. Like Coca-cola. They put a nail in coca-cola and after five days the nail was gone… you know why? Cause it fucking corroded.” Okay, he didn’t say it fucking corroded, he just said it corroded. But I’m thinking if coca-cola can corrod a nail it can destroy your body. I’m scared. I huddle myself in the corning until I recover my that scary thought.

Here are my thoughts on Coca-cola. It’s really fucking good. Sometimes when I’m in the restaurant I like to put coca-cola in a shot glass and drink it with ice. I have a fucking orgasm. It’s so freaking good. You think Pepsi taste this good? No, too fucking sweet. I bet I could win at a pepsi-coke challenge. Like I could tell the difference. You know why the people on the street couldn’t tell the fucking difference? Because those people are fucking stupid. It’s kinda like live tv, they edited out all the smart people like me an you who can tell the difference between pepsi and coke.

So I went to the granite marble company today. This guy is named Evan and he is the fucking man. He knows everything about granite kitchen countertops. He gives me one fucking amazing deal on 1 ½ inch granite counter top. I get fucking excited thinking about the granite in my kitchen. I have another orgasm. Evan is excited because he is a salesperson and he made a sale. He has my $200 buck deposite. I bet he had an orgasm too. WE BOTH HAVE ORGASMS. IT’S FUCKING AWESOME.

The day ends. I get back to the restaurant and there is a new 32 fucking inch tv in the bar. It’s crazy. I think it’s too big but it looks really cool. Does anyone know the difference between s-video and regular video? Is s-video clearer than regular video? That’s what I’m thinking. Help me out.

I’m yelling at my brother. I tell him “you are a big piece of fucking shit! Eat more healthy, do more, be more”. He likes it. I like kicking his ass. We both enjoy it a lot.

The day ends. Well it’s not quite over. I want to go work at P.F. Changs. How did they get so fucking BIG. What makes them so special. I think it’s the jew in the company. JEWS can do anything. Heck, they had Jesus. HE was GOD!!!

Thinking about buying some shoes. Bruno Magli. Real fucking nice. I tried them out at the store. The leather is so fucking smooth. Made out of baby calf. Fuck you PETA. Or whatever those animal rights groups are. You don’t know comfort until you’ve killed a baby calf. SHITS AMAZING. Also thinking about getting these men shoes called TOSCHI. So fucking comfortable. Let me tell you about the bottom of this shoe. It’s made with carbon. CARBON!!! It’s fucking amazing. Like you can sweat all you want on your feet and it won’t smell like shit. I hate smelly feet, especially mine. But I also have this strange festish of smelling my smelly feet and enjoying it. Something about being dirty that gives me great pleasure. I think it brings me back to my roots of realizing that I’m a piece of shit. But a great piece of shit.

If I had more to say I would but that’s a day in the life of blank. I think it’s pretty fucking exciting. I like being blank. Aren’t you thankful that there is an blank in the world. I AM AND I LOVE blank. He’s the greatest mother fucker in the world.

Oh yea, I read an article on Jay-Z in newsweek today. What a fucking guy. I think he’s really cool. Is he becoming too commercial though? I want to own a Porsche some day. I want to be a millionare by age 30. I want this I want that. Will the wants ever end? Oh yea, I read my bible this morning. That Jesus is a fucking genius. Jesus and genius… you ever think about how close those two words are related. It’s like they came up with the word genius because it sounds like Jesus to convey some sort of god-likeness. Interesting? I thought it was and that’s an blank original idea invented here. Don’t steal my shit. Give me e-props. Read my web journal as I document my life. I’m not afraid to be myself. I’m not afraid to be me. You shouldn’t either. Hire me to kick your ass. I’ll do it for $50 an hour. And that’s a steal my friend. That’s a steal.

july 21 2006

help me have 15 minutes of internet fame. go to the link. watch and enjoy the video. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8958339367080415505