writing is my savior

you ever get excited about a blank piece of paper because your mind can go into any area it wants to go. writing is freedom. it is a trip of the imagination that others can take with you.

last night i got a call from my past. you ever talk to the first girl you made love to and hear her voice 6 years later. you feel strange inside as if all these emotions you thought you could bottle up and make disappear erupt like a volcano in the heart. all those mixed emotions of love, depression and warmth are instantly bled though the soul. glad thats over.

saw this old guy this morning and he said he just liked walking around and doing nothing and was just wanted to kill time. it sounded so sad to me. he seemed like such a lost soul just searching for something. i almost wanted to shed a tear for him.

last night i went to eat at this ethiopian restaurant with my father. i've had an ethiopian experience before but it was strange. i am not used to eating with my fingers. the whole meal is eaten with your hands. can you believe it. it feels so savage yet entertaining because you can't be judged for eating with your hands. remember when mom always said don't be a barbarian and eat with your hands. well in their culture it is acceptable. not to call ethiopian people barbarians but i just think it is so cool that you can through all the social rules out the window when you enter into a different world and different society. like imagine ethiopian people using a knife and fork and thinking, damn, american people are strange.

worked the whole day yesterday. real men work on saturdays. and they also take 3 days of a week.

the purpose of life? still haven't answered this one but i have been listening to this dr. Wayne Dyer tape. i am a tape junky. i have to admit it. he talks about gratitude and how you should be thankful for things. also he talks about not being so afraid to blaze your own path in life and step away from the tribal mentality. i think about that. i want to find myself and something more than me. been practicing some meditation as of recent days as well. like i will bow down and acknowledge the greatness of God. as if i was stepping into his presence. like if God really existed and you were to step into his presence how would you feel. would you be able to stand in the presence of greatness? i feel like you would just bow because you had no choice but to bow down. i think in life we find difficulties when we attempt to stand in the presence of God. like it comes from this mentality of the ego and thinking that we are equal to the all powerful. if you stop to think about it, it is a farce. how could you ever equal something that is greater then you. the bowing does create this sense of humbleness. like i am small compared to the infinite. it also gives you the freedom to just be free. it is hard to stand. bowing and being low allows you to flow easier. it is when you stand that the weight of the world falls on your shoulders.

probably have to leave soon. later.

-anonymous