going to california

where do i want to go today? i ask myself that question sometimes. like if you have a day off and ultimate freedom what would you do? i think i would spend a good portion of my day listening to music. i love music. like i figured out this new thing of how to turn a youtube video into an mp3 file. pretty cool stuff. then you take that mp3 and put it on an ipod. can you believe that what i just wrote took my 8 hours to figure out how to do. now that i know i feel awesome.

which brings me to the point that i like struggle if it is my struggle. like i spent 8 hours trying to figure that out but it was worth the time spent because i wanted to do it. if you spend time doing things you want to do it feels good. it is like a journey that you want to take.

i think i want to be a financial adviser. i would feel like your tour guide through the financial universe that is exciting to me. there is just so much to learn about it. so so much but baby steps and baby steps and i'll get there.

i went to the store yesterday to do some clothing shopping. i was going to buy these t-shirts and then i took my shirt off and was surprised. i wasn't surprised in a bad way but in a good way. like i've been working out for the last month and a half doing push ups and running and my body is looking pretty decent. i decided being half naked looked a lot better than wearing a t-shirt so i decided to buy nothing.

i think i didn't buy anything either because it just didn't fit right as well. i used to buy things that didn't fit right just because i thought i could make it work. that is probably the worst thing you can do. like your internal instincts know what is good and what is bad and what you should do and what you should not do. so if you know that you can't take that shirt to the tailor and make it 100% perfect than you better not buy it. like i took this pair of jeans to the tailor and he fixed it up and they look great. yea, i dropped like $150 or more on it but i love the way it looks and feels. i think it was worth the money. so what if i only have one pair of jeans. at work you can't wear jeans anyways. but the point is it is better to have one really expensive item that you can be proud about rather than have 10 items that you think are decent and stylish for that moment. just get those timeless pieces and you will be golden.

went to the doctors office yesterday for a physical check up. i think the best part about it was that the female doctor had to check me for testicular cancer. does life get any better. someone who has to touch your balls for medical reasons. i think honestly i would go in for testicular cancer exams all the time if it didn't cost me $20 co-pay to go see her. i think i just like the concept of a female doctor touching my balls. like it brings you back to memories of some cheap porno flick that had something like that happen. a pure fantasy world.

been listening to this song called sweetest girl by wyclef. they got this line in there that says "cash rules everything around me". man, cash is good. i love that line.

nice, two lovers meeting up in a cafe. does life get any better than that. you think and hear something sweeter? i'm sitting in a cafe and thats what is going on next to me. like the girl was saying "oh, i was just thinking about you". and sometimes hearing something like that wants to make you vomit... that of course unless you are on the other side of that saying. then you think "damn, i am the man".

about the love life: you ever see this picture of this girl and then you meet her and then you think i'm in love with her and who knows, maybe you are. and then you start thinking how am i going to get this girl. and you want to do whatever it takes to go get her. yeah, never felt like that either. who comes up with that stuff.

just thinking about this section in a book called liar's poker. it talks about these guys working at a financial institution who eat an crazy amount. like they vacuum food. i want to be like that. i just want to spend like $100 on chinese food and just eat it all. just wolf it down. or eat 15 macdonald big macs just for the pure pleasure of it. pure satisfaction. or eat 60 candy bars and just eat my face off. something about eating that i love. i love the sport of it. i love getting fat. i love it.

you ever have this vision of love of two people, including yourself, frolicking in a field and holding hands together while the sun blazes down upon your two souls. with two big stupid smiles across you faces. yea, sounds stupid. sounds like love. the images are laughable. who came up with this stuff.

taking tests all day wears me out. but i kinda just want to keep on going. like i just want to become a test taking machine. i just want to keep on going and going and going like the energizer bunny. that is the type of mentality i want in life. i want to be that go getter that doesn't quit until i get what i want. why quit? be a relentless force of desire.
-anonymous